OK …I haven’t been posting much other than beards and fluff. I feel as if my thoughts haven’t been fitting blog fodder of recent. I’ve had a bit of defeated mindset syndrome and I decided that if I write about it then I’ll contemplate it. Maybe if I contemplate it I’ll see a way around it and out of it.
Let me take us back a couple weeks.
Shortly before leaving on the adventure into Ft. Lauderdale, which gifted me with an unexpected one night stay at the luxurious Dulles International Marriott, I fell. You see I was showing one of my listings and they have a large very strong dog. The dog is usually gone for showings but due to unforeseen circumstance she was there and it was my job to control her. She is a sweetie and I’m a dog person but she got spooked. In my efforts, to keep her separate from the 2 million dollar buyers, she pulled one way while I went another and face forward I went. The only arm available to catch me before I face planted was my left post surgical arm on the edge of the pool table. It went into a position that my physical therapist has yet to be able to safely obtain. Ouchfuck!
Defeat. I hurt bad. I felt defeated. I saw my surgeon. All physical therapy has been postponed for two weeks until after my follow up with him this week. I can’t lift, drive, excercise or even wash the left side of my head with it. I can only do two movement excercises that were the first two I could do after surgery. Square one, I found myself standing on square one yet again. This was fall number 3 on it since surgery and by far the worst.
Is it ok? We don’t know. I can only hope so. We see the Doc Thursday and he will decide then if I go for another MRI.
I had been making progress. I had been able to reach slightly above shoulder level without pain. Just the week before I was able to pull a parking ticket from the dispenser at the garage entrance to my physical therapy facility. Woo Hoo! I started to have visions of hopefully returning to yoga class in another couple months. At this moment hopes of a return to yoga class are but a long term goal.
Deafeated mindset syndrome. Yes I made that up. It’s a place I do not want to be. It is something that I must be aware of, acknowledge and move on from. Defeat is an emotional feeling that is so easy for the ego to grab onto and make part of its identity. I mustn’t allow my ego to grasp defeatism. I am better than that. I have found that the ego will grasp anything, either good or bad, and run with it as long as it is able to use such to inflate itself.
Humility. By denying my ego an inflated sense of self through undesirable identities, I can choose better things such as recovery, healing, strength and movement. This is not permanent. This is simply life. Life has challenges. Challenges strengthen us. I am able. I must work smarter and work harder.
When I remain humble and accept what is, I must have faith and believe in my ability. I will then improve, overcome and grow.
Obstacles I have. That’s all this is, an obstacle.