Sorry, not sorry, I just have to say this…

As a survivor of multiple and repeated molestations as a child, this U.S. gymnastics molestation debacle is absolutely disgusting.

These strong young women who are testifying right now deserve all of our support and also the justice of correcting this horrible, horrible abuse and crime.

Child molesters are monsters and need to be convicted. Child molesters kill, no they murder, childhood innocence and destroy lives.

Fuck child molesters and even more so …SUPERFUCK THEIR FUCKING ENABLERS… as the enablers are as guilty as the molesters themselves. May they all burn in fucking hell.

There I said it and I do not alologize for speaking truth, truth through my own life experience.

 

Calling on Congress to uphold the constitution

Inciting violence that overtakes the halls of Congress is treason. Lying about the results of an election is treason. Obstruction of justice is treason. Staging a coup to remain in office as an authoritarian is treason.

Period. Period. Period. Period.

I don’t care how few days are left, Impeach and remove the motherfucker from office immediately.

You, my dear reader, can reach your representative   HERE

…and your Senator  HERE

It doesn’t matter what your political party nor your Senator’s or Representative’s political party is, what happened today is not only wrong but unconstitutional and it is our duty as citizens to speak out and demand justice.

Otherwise your democratic government of the USA is over, it’s toast.

The results today in Georgia give me hope. Now it’s our turn to give the residents of Georgia hope.

Molested

Repeatedly

That’s me as a young boy. You can see me now with Fearsome adorning my face as a shadow in the reflection. The small photo in the corner is my mother and brother during a happy moment of my childhood.

Dont get me wrong, my childhood wasn’t horrible. In fact it was pretty good.

But a pretty good childhood doesn’t erase the scars of sexual molestation and abuse that were endured during that childhood.

What is your earliest memory? I hope yours is a good one.

Unfortunately mine isn’t. Stop reading now if you are offended by violence or descriptions of child abuse or sexualization of the underaged.

Still here? If you are just be prepared.

I was crying, naked and hiding. I was scared. I was between the bed and the wall trying to not be found. I was holding a stuffed toy or a blanket. I felt terror.

I screamed as the faceless male pulled me from my hiding place. No one heard my scream except my attacker. I remember blood and pain from my rear end. I remember tears and I remember fear. I don’t remember anything else. I don’t remember who it was.

That is my earliest memory. I know now I was being molested, most likely raped.

The only thing I know about my abuser is it was a male. The rest is blacked out. I’ve never been able to picture his face.

Was this the first time I was sexually abused? I haven’t a clue.

It’s just my first memory. Memory was still spotty for a while after that.

Was it the last time I was sexually abused? No it was not.

During my teen years, starting about 13, I was repeatedly molested by three different males. Two of them were my teachers, one was a trusted neighbor. One I continued having sex with until I was about 17.

…..oh and all three were “straight men”….and one even gave me a constant supply of drugs to keep me coming back.

Oh, and each of these three convinced me I wanted and needed them. Two of them worked their way from suggestive petting to full blow sex.

The other just heavily petted, described what he wanted, told me what he thought I wanted, fondled me through my clothes. He seemed to get off on his verbal graphics and heavy petting without fully completing the act. He actually made me feel the dirtiest and most violated. Yes he repeated this behavior multiple, multiple times. He taught a class I needed to pass.

Why?

Why did it happen? Why is it affecting me now?

Yesterday I lost it. I broke apart. In front of a sister-in-law and in front of my mother-in-law I lost it. I threw a ham across the room after I opened the refrigerator and found it leaking all over. I then threw left over spaghetti sauce and a thawing turkey both onto the counter and against a wall,  then I blacked out into a crying heap on the floor.

I remember The Better Half getting me up and walking to get me to the bedroom. I remember tears and hyperventilating. I remember being numb.

I’m still numb this morning. The pain in my two injured shoulders is more than I can bear. I’m eating Motrin & Tylenol. I hurt all over.

I have, however, had an epiphany. I just saw the news and I suddenly remembered the news was on when I had my breakdown. I remember seeing the report that the current resident of the White House had just endorsed the senate candidate from Alabama who is accused of molesting underaged girls.

Could it be? Did I fall victim to my own experience upon hearing the news that the current White House resident endorsed a child molester? Endorsed a child molester just because he is republican?

Can anger come to full rage causing a full breakdown after news such as this?  I think so.

Abusing children is wrong. A big part of my life struggle is to make sense of why others would hurt me, or any child, to accomplish their own pleasure.

Did the leader of our country just endorse an accused abuser of children? He endorsed abuser accused by more than one? He endorsed a person who stole the innocence of children for his own pleasure,  just for political gain and party loyalty?

Yes, the acting leader of our country endorsed an accused, by more than one, child molester for political party gain. Yes, and I went into full breakdown. Yes my life experience and PTSD got the best of me and overcame my serenity and almost my sanity.

How do I recover? How do I get better after a full blown breakdown?

I start by writing this post.

Child molestation is wrong. It is wrong period.

The scars I have hurt. May they, from this day forward, only make me stronger. I was a victim. Today I’ll be a survivor.

Today I will speak out. I will speak up.

Today I will take a step out of the darkness.

Today’s letter

Fearsome was so upset about yesterday that he asked me to write our senators and our representative today. This is what we came up with:

Dear Senator Harris,
In the words of George Jetson “Jane, stop this crazy thing!”
Our current president’s Attack on all Americans is appalling, as I’m sure you are quite aware. However yesterday’s call to silence the press isn’t just a violation of our first amendment but also a move toward state run news propaganda. So I am asking you to please stay the corse, stand your ground and take every opportunity that you can to “Stop this crazy thing!” which is also known as our current president (purposefully not capitalized).

With urgency and gratitude,

Fearsome

Sample Letter

As per yesterday’s post, today Fearsome sent out his e mails.

Our letter was short and sweet and to the point.

Dear Senator Feinstein,
Now is the time to talk about gun control. Now is the time for Senators like yourself to hold the feet of the “keep quiet and let it pass so I don’t have to vote on it” Senator’s feet to the fire. The majority of polled Americans do support Gun Control and it’s time something is done. Columbine, Sandy-Hook, Virginia Tech, Pulse, Aurora Theatre, Congressional Baseball Games, Las Vegas and way to many others to mention, where next?
Thank you for all your hard work and please stand the ground and demand gun control legislation.
With great appreciation,
-Fearsome-

There. Talking about gun control will actually do a hell of a lot more to prevent future massacres than “Thought and prayers”. Feel free to steal our simple letter and make it your own.