Silly Love Songs

As a young man stepping into puberty, 1976 was a carefree summer of fun. Life was new, life was exciting and life was exhilarating. I was changing and the world was changing.
This tune was full of joy and always gave me a kick in my step.

Wings / Paul and Linda McCartney – Silly Love Songs – 1976

🎵“Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs
And what’s wrong with that?”🎶

There is nothing wrong with that.

Thank you Paul McCartney for your many places in the soundtrack that is my life. This one never fails to bring me joy.

Mockingbird

While taking my 88 year old mom for her daily walk around the block today we ran into a Mocking bird that must have been nesting. We know this because of the fit of fury we witnessed as we passed by the tree where it was hanging out. Territorial little buggers they are with that ever so distinctive song. Hearing the mockingbirds’ chatter I was reminded of a favorite tune that just happens to be the…

Best

Duet

Ever.

Originally released in 1974, this Carly Simon duet with her then husband James Taylor is woven into the fabric that is me. It is one of those songs that is the soundtrack that is my life.

Carly Simon & James Taylor – Mocking Bird – performed for the MUSE No Nukes concert 1979

Amazing performance. Notice Carly’s lack of shoes!

🎼 Just say to me what you want from me 🎶

Often the illusion is that the easier path for dealing with problems is to run away from them, avoid them or ignore them.

In my experience avoidance is my default. I have found that I must remind myself daily that the true easier path is to acknowledge my problem, feel that emotions surrounding my problem and then to face the problem and walk through it. Not all problems are easily resolved. However I’ve found that the only way they are ever resolved is to deal with them head on. No matter how hard issues appear, resolution is always easier and better than running away.

Lil Nas X , Fearsome’s favorite out and proud rapper, dropped this new tune this morning. I found it’s message helpful in many ways.

Lil Nas X – Panini – Official Video – 2019

Visualize what you want. Say what you want. Move toward what you want.

Learn to Fly

Connection:

Life:

Connection enriches life. Life connects us. We are sharing a common experience right now. We learn, love, teach, understand, support, share, laugh, cry, hold, grow and feel.

We…

Feel.

I pause to feel. I pause to experience. I pause to connect. I pause to…

Wow, just beautifully fucking powerful wow.

May I learn to fly today, today right where I am.

…and may I have a sense of humor that I might not take myself too seriously…

Life, let’s live it …and together may we have a fabulous day.

I needed love today

Life.

Life comes at you.

Don’t get me wrong, life is good…good overall, but damn it can come at you.

I’ve had so many wonderful things happen to me in the past month, and I’ve had some confusing and bewildering things happen as well. I sure haven’t posted much and I have some great things to post about (such as an in person meeting with not one but three dear blogger friends…hint…it was in Philly). Overwhelm describes my loss of words, organization and time to actually sit and post. I need to post for me and my mental health so I start here.

I need  love today. I went in search of inspirational video to perhaps jar me into some sort of clarity. Below is the video that appeared when I clicked over to you tube. The message of love, of peace and of hope is exactly what I needed.

Beacons

Lighthouses serve both as a warning for hidden hazards laying just beneath a surface and as an indicator that a safe harbor awaits beyond.

Throughout life I have noticed beacons which helped me avoid the unseen, yet often due to various circumstances I overlooked a warning and found myself stranded on the rocks.

I am human, I am fallible.

However in each unfortunate circumstance when I have missed the warnings, or ignored them, I have found a safe harbor nearby.

In that safe harbor I can pause, reflect, heal, learn and grow.

Often it’s nothing specific that causes me to loose sight of the beacon ahead.

Life is. Life is busy. Life is distracting. Life is confusing. Life is exhilarating. Life is overwhelming. Life is fun. Life is troubling. Life is good. Life is hard. Life is sad. Life is hilarious. Life is love. Life is experience. Life is rewarding. Life is disappointing. Life is experiences. Life is unexpected. Life is unexplainable. Life is laughter. Life is imperfect. Life is. Life is. Life is.

My dear 17 year old Mitzi, our 5 pound chihuahua/poodle mix, is facing her next horizon. A horizon in which I can no longer watch her nor protect her. Each day with her has been a blessing from a power of love beyond any power that I can create. Each moment left is a treasure that I am grateful for. When her moment of transition arrives, I pray that I can set her free feeling the love that she, and her creator, blessed me with for all these years and continue to feel her love that will be with me always.

There are many hazards in the waters surrounding me at this time I my life. Some I am aware of, others I am/was blind to. I commit to learning to first forgive myself for my shortcomings and to open my eyes to the blessings, the beacons, the love, the gift of my life.

I commit to heal, to learn, to grow and to accept my imperfections.

Whole Hearted

Living. Living life to the fullest.

Experiencing, learning, growing, loving, giving, sharing, teaching, risking…

Those who put themselves out there, those who risk, live.

I believe that those who expose themselves for who they really are, those who allow themselves to be vulnerable, live. They live life to the fullest. They live life with a whole heart.

Hearts were meant to be broken or else they wouldn’t break. Love.

Gifts were meant to be given and shared because if they were selfishly hoarded they wouldn’t be gifts, but would be burdens. Give.

Lessons and experiences only have value to enrich others when taught. Teach.

If one isn’t growing, one is dying. Grow.

Without risk there is nothing. Risk.

Will there be pain? Yes

Will there be joy? Yes

If we couldn’t feel pain, we wouldn’t feel joy. Feel.

To get to the other side of anything, we must walk through it. Experience.

My brain thinks. My heart loves, my heart gives, my heart shares, my heart teaches, my heart experiences, my heart risks, my heart feels, my heart grows, my heart lives!

I choose to live whole heartedly from this moment on. To live, live with my whole heart.

2557 Days

Seven years ago today I got sober.

My seven year chip

Thats 2557 days of uninterrupted reality.

I stay sober 1 day at a time. May tomorrow be just another one of those days.

You see I don’t drink like regular people. If I take a drink I have no idea where I will end up. Once one drink is in me, I go to the bitter end of fucked up drunkeness.

Therefore I choose to not drink at all. Life is better for me that way. Not everyone is like me, but I am.

Challenge day 6

Today’s read pages 82-92, sections 30-33.

Early day today. Off to my Sunday morning AA meeting momentarily, after that to Petco Park for the last Padre home game of the 2018 season followed by a dinner with family and any and all of life’s business in between. I am a blessed man.

Today’s take is just that. Life has many blessings disguised as life, RE: work, family, struggle,  bills, health, love, sadness and laughter. In and among life’s blessings will come surprises, sometimes great ones. What we must do is simply participate. Work, give, live, create, participate and receive. In other words, just get out there.

Have a blessed day.

La Grange

This Beard, this certain Fearsome Beard, made the commitment to his soul last week to search for inspiration, search for beauty, search for passion and search for his own talent. He committed to try. To try to not only seek and to find but to enact. Trial through action to take himself to a higher level.

The next step has been taken, if only one foot has left the ground. With many steps ahead may my success exceed even my wildest dreams.

Beauty, passion, inspiration lie everywhere. All we must do is appreciate, accept and live. Live to the fullest.

Damn, ain’t ZZ Top just great? Damn great.

Angels

I know that this isn’t all there is. Even if Sandra Bernhard sings her rendition of Is That All There Is? so incredibly one could almost believe her…

Yes Dear Fearsome fans I have posted that one before, to good reviews I must add.

I believe that there is another dimension beyond that which I experience at this moment. I understand that I am limited to the five senses that to which my current body experiences this life that I am blessed to live. I know that there are other experiences that I am not able to comprehend while living within the confines of my earthy body.

There are many writings of those who have passed and returned to their bodies only to continue living the life that they were. A name for this phenomenon is near death experience.

I worked for many years in intensive care units and emergency rooms. I’ve witnessed death many times and I’ve witnessed near death as well. I’ve worked in delivery rooms and witnessed not only 100s of live vaginal births but c-sections, stillborn and multiple births. I’ve even resuscitated conjoined twins, or Siamese twins if you choose to call them that. I’ve watched the breath of life reach the depths of lungs for the first moment out of the womb, watched that life leave the infant and then resuscitate life back into that infant just as I’ve resuscitated life back into an adult heart attack victim under my earthly body’s hands.

I didn’t actually give that life back, or give that life in the first place. A power much greater than me did that. My hands were but tools present at the moment. Tools hired by the hospital to do what hospitals do which is aid people in their own journey into life, through life and out of life. My experience was but a blessing to sculpt me into the man I am today.

I don’t know what the other side is. I haven’t been there. I believe there is another side there. I know because I’ve had several experiences where the other side reached to this side to give me a message I needed at that moment. These experiences were both inside and outside my hospital environment. Maybe the energy that reached out to me did so because of my experience and my open mind from those experiences.

I will not write about those in detail at this moment in time. Maybe one day I will, and again maybe I never will. Those experiences were as real as I am and as real as the words in this post. They are burned into my memory. One even happened in the very room in which I sit writing this post.

I do choose to commit to calling the energies that contacted me and energies that brought life into and out of being in front of my eyes, angels. I believe that angels do exist. My definition of them is that thy are a positive energy from the other dimension that I cannot yet experience, but one day will. Unlike Sandra’s lyrics, I do not think that experience will be yet another disappointment.

In many of the writings I’ve read about out of body or near death experiences is that each and every one of them has noted that their pets were there to greet them. Not just special human loved ones, but the very pets they loved and cared for during their life. It’s a consistent story line. I believe them.

Earlier today when I looked in the corner only to find it empty I cried. Then I smiled. I know Nina was looking down on me. She is but one of many angels waiting for and watching over me. I know one day she will be there to greet me as well as Cephas, Nikky, Tess, Matty and Diva. God willing that I have many more years here there will be many more than the few names I just mentioned.

I believe that my previously lost human loved ones are also with me.

Angels.

I Believe.

What of life?

Nina is still with us and peaceful in her bed.

Nina sleeping 12/28/17

It is a quintessential winter Southern California day. Crystal clear blue skies, bright winter sun and 72 degrees F. Nina has spent some time on her patio today, eaten well and napped in her beloved corner bed. Our housekeeper, whom Nina adores, is here cleaning. The other dogs are napping and occasionally barking at the construction workers doing the remodel next door. All in all a nothing unusual beautiful day. It is peaceful with just a little stimulation.

Planning it out couldn’t have turned it better. Our dog sitter who was with me as we rescued Nina together is out of town. Nina adores her as well and she will be back in San Diego tomorrow. She is coming over to be here with us when the veterinarian arrives about 5 pm. Tomorrow is forecast to be as beautiful as today. The Better Half already had scheduled the whole week off, so between the two of us someone will always be home tomorrow.

Earlier Abner and Patsy tried out the comfort of four beds piled together when or housekeeper was busy cleaning…

Patsy (with toy) and Abner reinact the Princess and the Pea. 

The joys of life are abundant around here. It’s not gloom and doom. It’s sweet, with the bitterness of reality. The big questions loom. Why? Why are we here? What? What is this about?

Should we loose ourselves in contemplation of the unknown? Or should we just enjoy the moment even though we know the inevitable?

My answer? Enjoy the moment.

I believe there is one sole purpose for life. The purpose I believe in is love.

I am here to love. I am here to share. I am here to give. I am here to serve.

What are giving, serving and sharing? Love.

I am here to love. Period.

Life

Life.

Living it gets busy. Living it is interesting. Living it is stressful. Living it is joyous. Living it is beauty. Living it is ugly. Living it is bliss. Living it is amazing. Living it is a gift. Living it is work. Living it is love. Living it is a protest. Living it shares. Living it takes. Living it gives. Living it is tiresome. Living it invigorates. Living it supports. Living it teaches. Living it disappoints. Living it excites. Living it is understanding. Living it is respect.

We can make life what we want. The only thing in life we can truly change is how we see things, how we react and how we choose to run with it.

I choose beauty. I choose love.

The Pain of it All

This is getting old, really old.

Get a little better, get a little worse, get a little better, get a little worse. Fuck this hurts!

Look here… I prefer life on the sunny side. I am very blessed with every aspect of my life. Blessed I’m telling you. I focus on the blessings. I feel gratitude. More and more wonderful things come my way. The more I focus on good, the more good I get.

Why the hell do I want to write this down? Why do I admit pain?

Once in a while we all must take a moment, acknowledge the less than perfect aspects and then get on with moving on.

My shoulders both hurt dammit. Both.

The left post surgical is getting better little by little and is mostly just sore with challenging movements it hasn’t yet mastered since surgery. Expected slow post surgical recovery sensations.

The right, and formerly good, shoulder is driving me batshit crazy. Damn it hurts. The impingement burns and feels like a ripped open gaping wound. Reaching for anything is agony and don’t even think about turning it.

When both shoulders act out at the same time it can be defeating, debilitating.

Today is not a good day…however…I will focus on healing and tomorrow being better. I will get better in time. This, too, shall pass. I’m a healthy guy. I’m blessed with good health insurance. I’m blessed with a positive outlook. I’m blessed with love and support. I’m blessed with the ability to recover from life’s little bumps. This is just a little bump.

Setbacks? They are just setups for life’s greatest comebacks!

Watch out life, here I come!

Even God gets termites

First Presbyterian Church Downtown San Diego

First Presbyterian Church Downtown San Diego

So I am driving to physical therapy today, six months after surgery still at it, and I cracked up seeing this huge old church completely tented for termite extermination. What a sight. I couldn’t help myself and stoped to snap a photo. Passers by probably thought I was a tourist.

I particularly liked that they had tied the tents around the concrete crosses on the tops of the gables. Wouldn’t want to cover those up and leave anyone wondering what the building was underneath now would we.

Humor aside, a church under a termite tent reminds me that nothing in this world is exempt from the cycle that is our universe. All things come into being, go through being and go out of being. There is and always will be birth, growth, service and decline. It reminds me not to fight the cycle but to go with the flow and make the most out of each and every stage. We might be able to slow down the cycle through proper care, but the inevitable will one day come.

That tent reminds me to live the life I have been given. It reminds me of my blessings no matter what stage I am experiencing in the cycle that is my life.

I wonder if termites go to heaven?

Magic

Believe in magic? Yup, sure do.

Driving in traffic for a few last minute items on December 24, I became so overwhelmed at the beauty of it all that Fearsome had to come to my rescue by absorbing the tears of joy that were blurring my vision.

Life is magic.

The movement, interactions, energy, chaos, order and existence of it all.

I find that if I get out of myself, or simply get out of selfishness, I can just be in the moment. Being in the moment I can appreciate, enjoy, observe, discover, share, give, contribute and experience.

Life is diverse. Life is wonderment. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and it can be, even in holiday traffic.

Life is magic.

What makes it all work? How did we get here? What’s going to happen? What is the purpose? These questions can perplex us, stress us and confuse us. Or, if these questions pop into my head, I can choose to wonder about them with amazement, excitement and anticipation of the wonderful miracles that lie ahead.

Yeah there has been shit in my life. There has been some shit in all of our lives. However in my life there has been, continues to be and will be a lot more good than bad. In fact sometimes what seems to be bad in the moment turns out to be fabulous in the end.

Just walk through it, walk through all of it and look for good. When I do that, I find good and sometimes I find great. I just have to keep walking through it and avoid the temptation to avoid.

Life, it truly is magic.