5 years ago today

My marriage became legal nation wide.

Obergefell Ruling – 2015

As of that day we had been together 25 years and had been legally married in California for 7. Today we Have been together more than 30 years, legally married in California for 12 and nationally for 5. True love isn’t something we choose. True love chooses us when we least expect it.

Today we must continue to speak up, speak out, be visible and we must vote. We mustn’t take for granted the ground we have gained toward equality and freedom.

Same Love – Macklemore – 2012

Peace, love and respect.

I Believe in the Power of Love

Yesterday while driving the better half and I were discussing our experiences  with discrimination as gay men, his experiences as a Latino and my experience as a white male. Being gay men we can empathize about discrimination to a point, but we agreed we can never fully understand what it is to be black.

What we can do is acknowledge that we don’t have the same plight, but we can stand for what is right. We can speak out against injustice. We can love, support and stand with our black brothers and sisters. We can believe in the power of Love.

Power of Love – Deee-Lite – 1990

Why Love? The answer us given to us by one if our greatest inspirations.

Believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everthing.

Start right where you are. Start right now.

Find inspiration in each other. Find inspiration in yourself. Find inspiration in good things. Find inspiration in love, character, righteousness, kindness, understanding and acceptance.

Stand up. Do good. Speak kindly. Be peaceful. Act graciously. Set a good example. Lead with honorable acts. Love thy neighbor. Accept differences. Respect others. Appreciate originality. Live together. Treat fairly. Understand. Simply be… and believe.
Do right. Do just. Just do it.

La Vie En Rose

Majestic Beauty

La Vie En Rose – Grace Jones – 1977

From Wikipedia: -The song’s title can be translated as “Life in happy hues”, “Life seen through happy lenses”, or “Life in rosy hues”; its literal meaning is “Life in Pink.”-

No matter the circumstance or challenge, we are always blessed with a choice of how we each view and interpret that very moment. Choose wisely.

Big Boys Don’t Cry

I was but a young pre-pubescent boy in the summer 1975 as I swam the pool at Hollow Creek Swim Club a few blocks from my home. I was usually there with my older brother, he would hang with his buddies as they all flirted with the girls. I would swim the pool, practice dives in the triple diving well and search for dropped treasures lost to the bottom of the pool . Once in a great while I would even work up the courage to try the high dive in the middle.

Hollow Creek was a popular and busy place on those hot southern summer days. I was a loner though. Younger than most of the crowd and felt different. All the boys were older and busy trying to impress the girls. I was busy looking at the boys.

Especially one boy. My brother’s friend Jimmy’s friend Kurt. Kurt was cute and Kurt would actually let me hang with him some as he chatted up the girls. He made me feel welcome and included. I realize today, that since I was younger, I was a prop to get the conversation started with the girls. It didn’t matter then because I loved being around him and close to him. It doesn’t matter today because I fondly remember being included and having my first man crush.

Hollow Creek had a jukebox located at the snack bar and the music was piped out to the pool via a couple of those white bullhorn shaped outdoor speakers popular in the 1970s. That summer’s hottest love song was 10cc ‘s “I’m Not in Love”. To this day I don’t hear it without immediately thinking of that community swimming pool, the taste of an ice cold Dreamsicle  from the snack bar and of Kurt’s handsome teenage smile.

10 cc – I’m Not In Love – 1975

The young boy I was that summer felt different. He knew he would always like boys. He knew he’d never feel the way about girls that he was supposed to feel about girls because he felt that for boys. That boy was a loner and frankly was scared of the unknown and scared he would be found out. He was scared that he would never fit in and would always be lonely. Yet that young boy loved life and hoped that one day he would either change and feel like other people, or maybe, just maybe one day he would find one other boy who was like him.

That young boy today is a full grown man who is happily married to wonderful husband and he just filled out his presidential primary mail in ballot for March 3rd Super Tuesday. On that ballot he voted for another man, who like him, was different as a boy and today is happily married to another wonderful man.

If I could say one thing to that boy it would be to keep being just who you are because one day not only will you find love, you will also learn to appreciate all the differences that make up a beautiful world.
Oh, and you will find others who are just like you.

Healing

Music is a healing source for me. This particular tune has always been a beautiful comfort in a sometimes confusing world.

The Moody Blues – Tuesday Afternoon – 1967 – Days of Future Past

Bruised

Sucker punched.

Real Estate is a contact sport, even without physical contact. Today I got sucker punched right in the belly and it hurts.

Friends, whom I trusted almost more than most any of my other friends, to whom I’d sold them their home some 25 years ago called me about three years ago to sell said home. We met, discussed marketing and set up a time line for repairs, improvements and preparations to which a couple months later I got a call that selling the home would be postponed. When postponement time rolled around we again looked at needed repairs and improvements only to have that can kicked out another 6 months. Again we meet to look at it all only to postpone again, and again and again.

Three years later, which was last weekend, I received a message while traveling home from a much needed vacation urgently needing to meet to discuss selling the home. Last Monday I arrive and the painters are there working. They are actually going to sell it, finally after three years of postponements. We set out a schedule for finalizing the preparation, staging, photography and tomorrow we were supposed to meet to finalize price and paperwork.

Today I got an urgent text asking to meet at my office. My first thought was if they are postponing again, as history would have it, why so urgent to meet at office right now? I was available and we decided to meet in 10 minutes.

I arrive, they arrive and we sit down.

Then the least expected words were spoken, “We are going to list our home with another agent.” Gut meet fist, as said fist punches you. I was flabbergasted, speechless.

This is someone I considered a really close friend, someone I trusted emphatically and someone I’ve always deeply respected. This is a friend first, past client second who has referred multiple other people, including their own family members, over the years for whom I’ve always given exceptional service.

Then comes the second punch: “We know that you would give us exceptional service, utmost honest dealings and that you would have our best interest at heart, but we need someone who’s more enthusiastic. Also we want you to know it’s not that the other agent quoted a higher value as you both came in exactly at the same asking price and sales costs, we just need more enthusiasm .”

More enthusiasm? It’s been three years so please give me at least a few days to realize, and believe, you are actually going to sell.

As I walked them to the door of the office and closed the doors behind them the tears started streaming down my cheeks. Two of the people who’ve been two of the biggest cheerleaders in my career and two people whom I’ve always looked up to, trusted and admired didn’t even give me the chance to present what I could do, as the presentation was scheduled for tomorrow, and dismissed me after 3 years of postponements for an agent that they apparently were just introduced.

Am I really that bad at what I do?

My dear co-worker Rocky comforted me as I sobbed and helped me back to reality and encouraged me to at least plead my case to them by calling them to convey that no one other agent could better care and represent them with any more enthusiasm than I could because I did love and care for them and I really do have their best interest at heart.

I did call to no answer. I left a message.

After I left the office Rocky text me this beautiful statement of encouragement: “I hope she calls. She needs to remember what she loves about you. You absolutely are her best advocate and she needs to be reminded of your heart and your determination to do the very best for her that anyone would be capable of doing. Anybody can be enthusiastic but you can’t fake genuine care.”

Thank you Rocky. I treasure your words. I really do have my client’s best interest at heart. So therefore I’m pretty damn good at what I do.

But damn it hurts.

A Beautiful Village

Humanity, we are all part of it.
– – – Every size shape color orientation age ability belief practice talent politic opinion intellect nationality race sex – – –

We just are.
Thus we must live, let live and respect.
Most of all let’s just groove.

Detroit – One Nation Under A Groove – 2019

Detroit friggin rocks!

Christmas Cards

I have to admit that I love receiving Christmas Cards. I used to send them every year, but alas time became an issue as life got busier and I haven’t sent but just a few since the turn of the century.

We do still get a good number of them, even though we no longer reciprocate. I enjoy opening them and reminiscing about the friends who have taken the time to keep up the tradition. Maybe one day I’ll slow down and start the tradition again of sending holiday cards to my beloved friends and family.

Let’s say I enjoy all the cards with the exception of one we receive each year that has frankly started to creep me out.

A number of years ago we started to receive a Christmas card from a couple that was at the most a one time acquaintance and an acquaintance we don’t remember. We don’t know them, we don’t know where they live nor do we know what they do. We don’t share friends with them, a social circle or any interest that we are aware of.

Their cards are always professionally custom photographed showing the happy couple and their beautiful children. The photographs always number about 6-8 covering both outside and inside the card. They are always dressed in a matching theme and life looks as if it’s perfect…actually make that more than perfect.

In other words, the Christmas card itself is as disturbing as the fact it always arrives like clockwork the day after thanksgiving. Perfect card, perfect family and perfect timing, but who the fuck are they?

This years arrived like clockwork. However there was a new twist. The new twist was the fact it was, for the very first time, bulk mailed. Fucking bulk mailed. Yes the perfect stranger family has apparently grown their Christmas card list, of people who don’t know who the fuck they are, so large they are now using bulk mail.

Tom Watts – Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis

Dia de Los Muertos

Fearsome believes that the dead never really die. We live in an energy field and energy is constant. Constant but ever changing moving into form, through form and out of form.

The potential energy stored in the atoms of a rock is the same energy stored in the atoms within the molecules of my body, as is the same energy of the atoms of the air we breathe and the water we consume and even the same energy of the sun and the stars.

We are just simply stardust. Just stardust into another form.

Therefore the dead are with us just as we will be here, or somewhere near, in a different form after we die as well.

The movie CoCo tells the story of Dia de Los Muertos. Living in a place where I can see Mexico from my bedroom window just some 15 miles to the south, Dia de Los Muertos is a holiday we cherish. I believe it is honorable to remember those who have given us the lives we have.

May those who have loved you, and you have loved, be with you on this day of celebration.

🎼 Just say to me what you want from me 🎶

Often the illusion is that the easier path for dealing with problems is to run away from them, avoid them or ignore them.

In my experience avoidance is my default. I have found that I must remind myself daily that the true easier path is to acknowledge my problem, feel that emotions surrounding my problem and then to face the problem and walk through it. Not all problems are easily resolved. However I’ve found that the only way they are ever resolved is to deal with them head on. No matter how hard issues appear, resolution is always easier and better than running away.

Lil Nas X , Fearsome’s favorite out and proud rapper, dropped this new tune this morning. I found it’s message helpful in many ways.

Lil Nas X – Panini – Official Video – 2019

Visualize what you want. Say what you want. Move toward what you want.

Internet Trolls

Let’s just say I was called out today in the comments section of another blog to be an Internet Troll. It turned into quite the Kerfuffle. Thankfully many other commenters in that wonderful community came to my defense. I greatly appreciate them. I don’t like to point fingers by calling out someone by name, so therefore I will not do that. I will however say it was wretched, simply wretched.

I commented on another’s comment with a quick one liner that was supportive of the commenters comment, on topic and in keeping with the nature of the comments for the blog. I know the nature of the blog as I’ve been a daily reader for most of said blogs 15 year existence. I rarely comment but do on rare occasion should something come to mind that fits and I’m in the mood to.

My reprimand wasn’t from the person for whom I commented with support, but out of left field from someone who wasn’t even previously even in the conversation. I was told to “go away” because I apparently didn’t have enough previous comments recorded in my records to be there or have an opinion. I was called both an “Internet Troll” and a “sock puppet.”

So being the contemplative Beard that Fearsome is, he asked me to google the definition of Internet Troll. On Wikipedia we found this definition:

In Internet slang, a troll is a person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to distract and sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive,[1] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses[2] and normalizing tangential discussion,[3] whether for the troll’s amusement or a specific gain.

Hmmmm. Fearsome then started to wonder what defined Sock puppet, Wikipedia defines it as:

A sockpuppet is an online identity used for purposes of deception. The term, a reference to the manipulation of a simple hand puppet made from a sock, originally referred to a false identity assumed by a member of an Internet community who spoke to, or about, themselves while pretending to be another person.[

Hmmm.

Lets then look at what happened. I commented on topic, in keeping with the nature and in support of the commenter to which I commented. Out of left field someone aggressively tries to upset and distract from the comment thread by making an unfounded off topic inflammatory name calling statement, directed at me simply because I didn’t have enough comments in my history to satisfy their personal minimum threshold.

Looking at this honestly, who would actually fit the definition of Internet Troll here?

Hmmm.

As far as sock puppet, I had never ever heard that term but let’s again look at this. On Disqus you can click on the user and see their profile. If you click on mine it’s open for all to see. One can read all my comments and even click a link to this here blog thingy, and this here blog thingy leads directly to me as I have nothing to hide. If you click on said user that did the name calling their Disqus profile is labeled “Private” and one cannot see their past comments nor anything about them.

Looking at this honestly, which profile might better fit that of a sock puppet?

Hmmm.

I’ve found in life that an aggressive accuser is often guilty of the very indiscretions to which he/she is falsely accusing another. I was brought up in the south and we had a little saying there that seems to fit. That saying is simply “Glass Houses”.

The Choice

I am exhausted.

I pause to take a good look into the mirror and examine why.

Why have a stopped reading my blogs? I read only the news these days.

Why am I usually feeling angst, anger, frustration and fear? I read only the news these days.

Why am I tired and distracted? I read only the news these days.

Why have I started feeling defeated and depressed? I read only the news these days.

Why do I only read the news these days? Because I’ve allowed the fear and alarm that is being spewed every single moment to enter into my psyche and alter my thoughts, dreams and values.

I have a choice. I can choose to continue down the slope I’m on and into a bad spiral, or I can choose to make another choice.

This morning for the first morning in recent memory, I chose to start my day by starting a book I’ve been wanting to read. I got my coffee, spinach smoothie and plain oatmeal and read as I consumed my daily breakfast.  By no coincidence the book I started today is appropriately named The Choice  by Dr. Edith Eva Egar.

My day started better. I read, I thought and I felt better. I blog to share, but I also blog to reinforce. Reinforce, inside of me, the better choice I just made.

I am better equipped to help myself, my family, my friends, my community, my country and my world if I put my oxygen mask on first. My oxygen is positivity and the good that still really does surround me. Through that I can find light.

No Blacks, No Jews and No Gays

This is a disco tune that went past my teenage radar back during my youth and that great era of disco. It’s a tune I found later in life when reliving that bygone era. I fell in love with this tune.

Needless to say that the very first time I heard this tune the lyrics of the headline above stopped me in my tracks.

What the fuck? No Blacks, No Jews and No Gays?

Then I really listened to the message given through such a moving beat. A message that needs to be heard, must be heard.

Now all these years later I’m like “What the fuck?” This tune needs to be heard again? Does nothing ever fucking change?

Ok, ok , ok yes I’m on a soap box, but dammit people… We are not White, Black, Jew, Gay, Muslim, Mexican or PURPLE for that matter. We are human and we must care for each other, live together and care for our planet plus the creatures on it, or else we are fucked. Fucked.

Please click play, please feel the beat and move your tush. Please be kind to someone today that they may pass the kindness and understanding onto another. We have to start somewhere and dammit I start by saying I love you, care for you and wish to lift you higher.

Smooches!

There but for the grace of god, there go I – Machine – 1979

Imagine

Imagine peace.

Imagine love.

Imagine respect.

Imagine passion.

Imagine empathy.

Imagine happiness.

Imagine beauty.

Imagine kindness.

Imagine forgiveness.

Imagine understanding.

Imagine harmony.

Imagine hope.

Imagine joy.

Wow just wow. This guy is phenomenal. Even more phenomenal than just that beard. Brought me to tears.

Chris Klafford – Imagine – 2019 – America’s Got Talent

Just do right (reprise for today)

A repost of a previous video? Yes because I need reminders. -However the accompanying contemplation is new for this reposting.-

This is a clip I turn to anytime I need sanity. If I’m uncomfortable it’s is most likely because I either have done something wrong or am considering doing something wrong.

I have a choice. I can decide to do what’s right, or if I’ve already made the bad choice I can make a new choice to correct a wrong. I can do right and I can make right.

It’s easier, at least for me, to do right to begin with so will I strive to do my best and to try to do right, if at all possible, all the time in the future. If I slip and make a mistake, I will strive to correct and make it right.

“Doing right gives you the kind of protection even body guards can’t give you.” -Maya Angelou

Doing right enriches my soul. Doing right brings me peace.

Gentle Kindness

In my opinion we need more Mr. Rogers in our lives.

Fred Rogers was a HUGE part of my childhood. For him I will forever be grateful.

Watch and see how he uses kindness and respect to overcome adversity in this short 6 minute clip.

I remind myself the inspirational words of a certain Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that”

I choose to be kind today. I choose to share love today. I choose to respect today.