I can.

I can listen.

I can feel.

I can empathize.

I can forgive.

I can love.

I can better.

I can support.

I can speak.

I can share.

I can march.

I can serve.

I can donate.

I can understand.

I can be honest.

I can value.

I can cry.

I can change.

I can make a difference.

I can laugh.

I can hold.

I can stand.

I can challenge.

I can question.

I can grow.

I can learn.

I can vote.

I can improve.

I can volunteer.

I can protect.

I can hope.

I can believe.

I can teach.

I can lead.

I can follow.

I can act.

I can be.

I can.


I know that this isn’t all there is. Even if Sandra Bernhard sings her rendition of Is That All There Is? so incredibly one could almost believe her…

Yes Dear Fearsome fans I have posted that one before, to good reviews I must add.

I believe that there is another dimension beyond that which I experience at this moment. I understand that I am limited to the five senses that to which my current body experiences this life that I am blessed to live. I know that there are other experiences that I am not able to comprehend while living within the confines of my earthy body.

There are many writings of those who have passed and returned to their bodies only to continue living the life that they were. A name for this phenomenon is near death experience.

I worked for many years in intensive care units and emergency rooms. I’ve witnessed death many times and I’ve witnessed near death as well. I’ve worked in delivery rooms and witnessed not only 100s of live vaginal births but c-sections, stillborn and multiple births. I’ve even resuscitated conjoined twins, or Siamese twins if you choose to call them that. I’ve watched the breath of life reach the depths of lungs for the first moment out of the womb, watched that life leave the infant and then resuscitate life back into that infant just as I’ve resuscitated life back into an adult heart attack victim under my earthly body’s hands.

I didn’t actually give that life back, or give that life in the first place. A power much greater than me did that. My hands were but tools present at the moment. Tools hired by the hospital to do what hospitals do which is aid people in their own journey into life, through life and out of life. My experience was but a blessing to sculpt me into the man I am today.

I don’t know what the other side is. I haven’t been there. I believe there is another side there. I know because I’ve had several experiences where the other side reached to this side to give me a message I needed at that moment. These experiences were both inside and outside my hospital environment. Maybe the energy that reached out to me did so because of my experience and my open mind from those experiences.

I will not write about those in detail at this moment in time. Maybe one day I will, and again maybe I never will. Those experiences were as real as I am and as real as the words in this post. They are burned into my memory. One even happened in the very room in which I sit writing this post.

I do choose to commit to calling the energies that contacted me and energies that brought life into and out of being in front of my eyes, angels. I believe that angels do exist. My definition of them is that thy are a positive energy from the other dimension that I cannot yet experience, but one day will. Unlike Sandra’s lyrics, I do not think that experience will be yet another disappointment.

In many of the writings I’ve read about out of body or near death experiences is that each and every one of them has noted that their pets were there to greet them. Not just special human loved ones, but the very pets they loved and cared for during their life. It’s a consistent story line. I believe them.

Earlier today when I looked in the corner only to find it empty I cried. Then I smiled. I know Nina was looking down on me. She is but one of many angels waiting for and watching over me. I know one day she will be there to greet me as well as Cephas, Nikky, Tess, Matty and Diva. God willing that I have many more years here there will be many more than the few names I just mentioned.

I believe that my previously lost human loved ones are also with me.


I Believe.


“A Nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but it’s lowest ones”― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom


“We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


“Good works is giving to the poor and the helpless, but divine works is showing them their worth.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy


“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”
― Albert Einstein


“No one has ever become poor by giving.”
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank


“Don’t tell me what you value, show me your budget, and I’ll tell you what you value.”
― Joe Biden


“Those who don’t value their words, will never value your wishes.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words


-Some Fearsome thoughts-                                                                                                                                  …It is time I again contemplated values. My values, good values, value of others, value of the material and value of the spiritual. Contemplation helps me to re-enforce my core beliefs and personal morals. I post these quotes for inspiration from words that resonate with me.

I’ve found in my life that by living my values, I lead by example. In some way we all lead others and in some way we all follow others. I sincerely hope I follow good ones and that those I lead have found a good leader. Each day I must try to simply do my best. I must strive to do good and share goodness.

We can each make the world a better place. We simply have to start with ourselves and start right where we are.

Why not start right now?


Decency: noun /di-sen-si/ behavior that is good, moral and acceptable in society.

I believe in living a good, decent and moral life. I believe in leaving behind better than I found when I leave, not only any place I go but also this life and this planet when I leave. I believe in doing good. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity. I believe in respect. I believe in kindness. I believe in sharing. I believe in caring. I believe in humility. I believe in love. I believe in helping. I believe ecology. I believe in character. I believe in education. I believe in equality. I believe in humanity. I believe in oneness. I believe in decency.

What do you believe in?

A world of your very own creation

I believe in creating my own world.

I sometimes have to remind myself that I am creating it. Usually I have to remind myself of this when things aren’t what I really desire. Yes I have to remind myself that I create the unwanted just as I create the wanted.

I truly create my world through how I think, how I perceive and how I react.

If I don’t like something and I keep focusing on it, I will get more of it…the thing I don’t like. On the other hand if I focus on what I want, appreciate what I want, talk about what I want, feel good about what I want….the opportunities to get my true desire will come into focus. In other words I will be able to see how to achieve my goals because I am looking for what I want. My radar will pick up the signals of what I desire because my radar isn’t clouded by the crap I don’t want.

One key is Focus, I must be careful of what I am focusing on. Often I forget and suddenly when I’m not getting what I want, I relize that I have slipped and am not focused on the right things, goals or feelings.

Another key is Imagination. Without imagination, there would be no creation. None.

Before the light bulb came into existence, it had to be imagined. Before the computer? Yes it was imagined. Before television, photographs, bridges, cities…..yes it was all imagined into reality.

Imagination shapes our perception. Imagination affects our reactions, our feelings and ultimately our reality.

Imagine beauty and you will find it. Imagine good and you will find that too. Imagine success and guess what, success will become yours.

….”Wanna change the world? There’s nothing to it”…

Turn your magic on

From the wisdom interwoven in the lyrics of my earlier post featuring Coldplay’s Adventure of a Lifetime I reminisce about the wonders of my own life. I sit in awe of the gifts, blessings and love that I’ve received and experienced in this blip of time that is my life.

Back in high school I dated a girl named Julie. Julie lived in a big beautiful split level up on Round Hill. Round Hill was a neighborhood where the rich kids lived that attended my high school. After climbing the stairs up to the front door and taking in the amazing view I rang the bell and her bear of a father answered the door. He was a jolly man who was just checking out the young man who was about to take his daughter out in a 1966 Mustang with the top down. The living room was massive and had a view of the whole city below from the bay window. As we drove away I remember thinking one day, maybe one day…

I remember my my first trip to Ft. Lauderdale Florida in 1984. My first lover, Tim, and I went to visit a friend Chris from our hometown. Chris had moved there and was enthusiastic about his new home in the tropical paradise that is South Florida. Chris gave us the tour and showed us all the highlights. Emblazoned in my memory was him pointing out the beach condos and boasting about the handsome prices they brought. I remember thinking to myself as we drove by one day, maybe one day…

Shortly after moving into our little rental in San Diego I was out for a walk with my two dogs familiarizing myself with the neighborhood. We had just moved here from Seattle and rented a fixer of a little house. By accident that little house just happened to be in one of San Diego’s best and priciest neighborhoods. We somehow had just rented the least expensive home in an incredible neighborhood. The homes were stunningly beautiful, historic and stately. As I walked down one of the quaint streets I saw one on a hill. It was a classic California craftsman on a hill that just seemed to speak to me. I remember thinking one day, maybe one day…

Back in 1998 my cute new buddy Clayton took me to my first Major League Baseball game, a Padres game. He parked us in seats right on the field behind first base. I had never been interested in pro ball, much less baseball, yet suddenly I was a fan. A big fan, I was sold. I started attending games regularly. I told myself one day, what if one day…

We, the Better Half and I, work hard. We dream. We act. We give. We appreciate. We love. Sure sometimes the shit hits the fan. The shit only becomes a problem if we focus on it. As long as we look beyond the shit and focus on the important end goal, things happen. Good things happen.

As I write this I sit in my seat watching the Padres play. My season ticket seat, my seat I’ve had for years field level right above first base at Petco Park. Later I’ll drive home to my house, that very same Calfornia craftsman that seemed to speak to me on my walk that day in 1991. I remember well that day in 1986 I bought and moved into the house where Julie’s bear of a father checked me out before I took his daughter out, the house on the hill where the rich kids lived. Earlier today I wired the funds to pay off the mortgage on the apartment building we own in Ft. Lauderdale Florida. Now we can start applying the rental income from that building toward the mortgages of the two condos we own in those very buildings on Ft Lauderdale beach that Chris drove me by so many years earlier.

Did my dreams come immediately? No. Did dreams other than these come true? Yes. Did all my dreams come true? No. Will most of my dreams come true if I work for them, toward them, believe in them, believe in myself? Yes. Do I know just how this magic works? No. Do I need to know? No. Do I need to believe? Yes.

….from the wisdom in the words of Coldplay’s tune…”Everything you want is just a dream away”

We become what we think, dream and thank about……

…..A longtime belief of mine. I have to remind myself that what I’m grateful for I will get more of. I have to remind myself that what I think about I will make my reality. I have to remind myself that what I dream about will manifest in my life. It always has and always will…so go ahead, turn your magic on!

Colplay speaks of truth in the amazing lyrics of this wonderful tune.

turn your magic on
Umi she’d say
everything you want’s a dream away
and we are legends every day
that’s what she told me

turn your magic on,
to me she’d say
everything you want’s a dream away
under this pressure under this weight
we are diamonds

now I feel my heart beating
I feel my heart underneath my skin
and I feel my heart beating
oh you make me feel
like I’m alive again
alive again
oh you make me feel
like I’m alive again

said I can’t go on, not in this way
I’m a dream that died by light of day
gonna hold up half the sky and say
only I own me
and I feel my heart beating
I feel my heart underneath my skin
oh I can feel my heart beating
cause you make me feel
like I’m alive again
alive again
oh you make me feel
like I’m alive again

turn your magic on, Umi she’d say
everything you want’s a dream away
under this pressure under this weight
we are diamonds taking shape
we are diamonds taking shape

if we’ve only got this life
this adventure oh then I
and if we’ve only got this life
you get me through
and if we’ve only got this life
in this adventure oh then I
want to share it with you
with you
with you
yeah I do

Thank you Bruce Springsteen

The Boss stands with equality again. We knew he was a man of quality and honest good morals back when he recorded this song for the groundbreaking film Philadelphia.

Today he cancelled a concert scheduled for this Sunday in Greensboro North Carolina.

No one should be so discriminated against that  is living a life where their body of birth didn’t fit who they were and now that their body does resemble who they are….they are left with no bathroom to use in public. No one. Nor should a state government take away protections in place in localities only to mandate discrimination.

Mr. Springsteen is taking a stand that must be taken. I fully support him. I will stand with him by buying some of his tunes on iTunes today. Will you join me?



Personal treasure

Dad died last September. Each trip back to my childhood home since then has involved helping mom purge the house of unneeded things. Dad collected stuff, lots of stuff. Not like the hoarding one might see on reality television, but stuff. He had an affection for cars (both real and model), tools, audio equipment, photos, books and many various items deemed “collectible”. When alive he had a personal attachment to most of it. These were his treasures.

So here I am, purging. It’s an odd job. Taking things that my father had an affection for and disposing of these items without any attachment of my own. Looking at each item deciding if it’s going in the trash, to another family member, into the upcoming massive yard sale and/or eventually charity if it remains.

What’s odd is knowing these things meant something to him. He enjoyed them. They gave him esteem and security. He had stories to share about them. They had purpose and they gave him purpose.

Through this process I must honor these things for they meant something to someone I loved …. who loved me.

I honor them by setting them free. I set them off on a journey to find their way back into the hands of others to which meaning and value will be realized. For sitting here in a dark closet no longer touched or seen by their lost owner is doing them no good nor is it helping those who will enjoy them in their future. That is whether their future is being displayed proudly on a shelf by another collector, playing in the dirt of a field with a young child, being restored into the classic cars they really are by a young car enthusiast, playing the music of a budding audiophile or even finding their way into a recycling plant making raw materials for new life as something new and different.

With each item I will send a blessing. A blessing that may each hand it touches after leaving mine be blessed. Blessed with happiness, peace, love, joy, health and prosperity.

Dad would have wished the same to all of those many hands out there who don’t yet know the items nor the blessings are coming their way.


Learning from the master

Star Wars binge here. All I think do say hear and contemplate at the moment…Star Wars.

One thing you do need to know about me is I am a Fearsome Rebel Alliance kind of guy….but many of you have figured that out I’m sure.


There is but one message here that can be expressed in as many ways as there are opinions. I find it best expressed by the master. This four minute clip is always worth a revisit, always.


My avatar

A long while back I got some criticism about my avatar.


The person who was apparently offended by its upside down appearance strongly implied that I was too lazy or too dumb to correct it. They also let me know immediately that they preferred not to converse with others who were so lazy that they wouldn’t correct such errors. I decided it best to not respond to them as I didn’t care to waste my time conversing with someone so judgmental.

A year passed since that encounter.  Today another misunderstanding of a similar but different subject occurred out in blogland. I chose to not respond to that judgmental person either. I did decide it’s time to reflect on such encounters.

First of all I took my avatar as a selfie laying upside down on the couch. I experimented a lot with beard selfies in creating the blog. The photo is actually the way it was taken. I liked it and chose it. Second I do actually know how to right it and did, but still chose the original because I liked it better.


The lesson this teaches me is to not judge. Just appreciate. Appreciate that each of us have different taste, perception, priorities, humor, likes/dislikes, self images and such. Differences are to be appreciated, not judged or suppressed.

This is the twist. I have to respect that these two persons I reflect on are different from me. While I chose to not respond to their “suggestions”, I have to be careful to not judge them. I learn to move on and appreciate myself and continue just being me. They have their opinion and that’s ok. It’s their opinion, and I have my own opinion. I own my own expression.

Why this beard likes Hillary

Disclaimer:….Being that this is not a political blog, this entry is not meant to rouse support for any one candidate nor is it written to sway anyone to any political leaning. I write to journal my thoughts about a woman that I happen to admire….


I was raised Republican. I voted the party line until the 1992 Presidential elections. I voted for Bill. I had started to get away from the beliefs instilled in me mainly because I was gay and had grown tired of watching all of my friends die of a disease that I felt our government should be doing more about. Therefore I pulled the lever for a Democrat for the first time. I felt like I was betraying the values I had been raised in.

A lot has changed in me since that day. I have become quite the liberal over the years. While I don’t necessarily vote straight democratic, I vote mostly democratic. I try to keep an open mind but most that resonate with my current core values are liberal and sometimes very much so. That’s me and a bit of my background, I hope that readers can respect that.

Hillary as we first got to know her.

Hillary as we first got to know her.

Bill had this blonde wife that came out with a powerful positive get it done energy about her. She stepped out of the classic First Lady role into a leading role. I really liked that. A woman not afraid to speak her mind and then do something about what her mind was set on. I found this not only refreshing but inspiring.

She got a lot of backlash. I guess she was too much, out of the classic First Lady role, too fast. The powers that be had to do some damage control and tone her down. I was disappointed about that. I remember thinking “Two for the price of one! Now let’s get some work done!” Then I was reminded that Bill, and only Bill was elected, not Hillary. Damn. I had been toned down as well I guess. She went on to do well as a First Lady and Bill as a great President. I was sad to see them leave office, but that’s how it works here and I believe in limits and the spirit of rotation.

Then off to New York and in short time Hillary became Senator Clinton. I was elated. The woman that I respected with her drive had gone to work. Work to continue moving forward. That is an ethic I admire. No retirement after hubby dear finished his presidency. No writing only a book and making dollars off of speaking engagements. She  was a liberal woman with ideals to help the working class American get and stay on their feet. She was vibrant and ambitious, she put herself to work to keep working for others. Face it, she and Bill were set for life after his term was up. They could be living comfortably without this stress.

So as if service in the Senate was not enough, she threw her hat in and ran for President. When she wasn’t nominated she didn’t stop. Back to being a Senator. Then when the new President that beat her out of the nomination called, she was there ready to serve as Secretary of State. One thing Hillary is not afraid of is work. Hard work. Stressful work. Hell, when does this woman sleep? She so inspires me. I do not have her drive to serve, nor do I wish to have that much drive. But she inspires me to have some drive to serve others, help others, better my community and keep on working. There is reward in service and work. It’s worth the time and effort. She reminds me of this easily forgotten fact.


Secretary of State Hillary

After her Secretary of State position she actually did take a couple years off. Well deserved time to rest, reflect, examine, decide and plan. Decide she did. As most thought she would do, she is running for President. No retirement, no golf courses or painting classes. Bill makes a fortune speaking. Chelsea is married, has a child and a career. Hillary has many reasons that she could just stop. Both she and Bill have left a great legacy of service and good. But why stop? She has drive. She has good ideals. She can still work to make even more of a difference. She can help a people, a country and a world. She’s going to continue working. I love her for that.

Yep this Beard is a Fearsome Hillary fan. I look forward to the coming Presidential race. I wish Hillary all of the best. May strength, passion, health, vision, wisdom, insight, drive, humility, care, compassion, service and positive force energy be hers in the coming months.

….if you haven’t had enough of my babble, this video knocks it out of the park. Worth the watch even if you aren’t a Hillary nut, but would like to know a bit more of what’s inside that blonde mane.

Thank you Hillary for being a champion of good cause, a fighter and an inspiration.

I choose the second way



I posted the above this morning reminding myself that I do prefer to live my life seeing the miracle it is. Shortly after posting I take the dogs outside into the yard and in a forgotten pot my little forgotten cactus is blooming. The bloom lasts for about 8 hours and is bigger than the plant itself. It blooms but once a year.

May the miracle that is your life be as beautiful as mine is today.

Patsy and cactus flower

Patsy and cactus flower



“Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.” Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), English logician and philosopher


I feel I’m observing a lot of fear in our society at the present moment. It’s not that fear isn’t always showing up in our society, it’s when it seems to spread through crowds causing groups to act unreasonably that it stands out. Therefore I contemplate the above quote and then I choose to  focus on the one below.



I believe love can spread just as easily as fear or hate, I choose to spread love today.

FDR’s vision

No doubt that Franklin Roosevelt left a legacy. In my opinion, a good legacy. Three terms through one of the roughest periods in our history.

The Roosevelt monument moved me. A beautiful place full of inspirations ever reminding us that we are a community that must care for all in the community.

A few quotes that I wish to remember, I share.





“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself” ….. Franklin D. Roosevelt


So far this here blog thingy has not been very political. Fearsome, as well as myself, don’t want this here blog thingy to be a political soapbox. We prefer that we keep it a place for inspiration, contemplation, positive thought and growth. That’s our agenda, not political.

We have admitted a time or two that we are liberals. There is nothing wrong with being conservative, moderate or liberal. We believe as a community we all have the right to our political preferences and that differences debated in civil ways bring about balance. Balance leads to compromise. Compromise is what makes relationships work. Whether those relationships are between two people, a community or a country.

Yesterday Hillary made it official and announced her run for president. I’ll admit that I’ve been a Hillary fan since her husband become president in 1992. Those were my clean shaven days. Fearsome was still in the closet back then. I’m excited for her campaign and will be supporting her run. I have no plans to change this blog into a political campaign, that’s not what it is for. There might occaisionally leak in a thing or two as the blog is a place for my thoughts.

When I watched this video yesterday it made me feel good. I see a vision of inclusiveness. I see a vision of growth, support and community. I see a positive vision. I see what I percieve as an American Dream. I share the video because it made me feel good, my disclaimer is that I’m already a Hillary supporter.

“What actually is the function of worry?”

That quote comes from the 2014 season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. It’s quite profound.

Adore Delano asks Courtney Act “What do you worry most about this competition?” To which Courtney replies “What actually is the function of worry?”

Ok… so first Fearsome has a couple of indulgences other than Major League Baseball, Comic-Con and Led Zeppelin. One of those other indulgences is he watches Ru Paul’s Drag Race. He got hooked the year Chad Michaels of San Diego was a contestant. Besides what could be equally an example of comfort with your own masculinity than having a beard? Wearing a dress? Well the point of this post is not to debate that, but to contemplate Courtney’s statement.

“What actually is the function of worry?”

It doesn’t accomplish anything actually. It takes time and energy. It causes stress. One can become obsessed with it. It doesn’t change an outcome. It can ruin your mood and your day.

Sure we all have negative thoughts that can lead to worry, but why worry? Why not let that negative thought pass and focus on a good outcome? Take a step in the direction of where you want to go? Get in the game of life and work to create something wonderful?

Fearsome believes it’s what we choose to focus on. How we each decide to look at it. We have the ability to choose, so why choose worry?


Own it.


I realized earlier today that I was obsessing about something from my past. It kinda drained the energy out of my day. I just wasn’t getting things done that I wanted to. I felt off, not good at the game. I didn’t purposefully choose to, I just let my mind drift into thinking about it. I started to replay different scenarios in my mind. I was letting my ego run with it. My ego was trying to place blame, it was feeling victimized. The ego will do this when left unchecked in order to build itself.

I finally snapped out of it when I heard a comment from another person that was on another subject (this was playing only in my mind I had not brought it up). This person was talking about himself when he said “I must own it”.

Light bulb! His comment opened my eyes to the present. It brought me back from the non-reality of my ego dwelling on the past.

I must own it. It happened. My evening has been so much better than my day. I’ll sleep good tonight.


Acceptance and life…

Fearsome and I have had quite the busy week and weekend with our head just full of thoughts and contemplations. We have been quiet. Sometimes being quiet and trudging along through life is good, sometimes just simply necessary.

This thought which I noted a while back puts it all into perspective and helps us get through when stress rears its ugly head:

“The job of the rider is just to show up and let something higher take place.”

I have no idea where or who that quote came from. I recorded it in my phone one day when it resonated with me. It’s resonating right now. It reminds me that I am not always in control and that is ok. I just need to show up, do what I need to do and let be what is. I cannot do any better than my best. I can’t control outcomes. I have to trust.

So today I trudge ahead. I work. I do my best. I trust.

This helps me to stay in the present moment.

There is no need to worry, doubt or project. I can only control my actions and reactions. As long as I do my part the best way I know how, all will be fine.

I accept.