Sober Beard

3653 days ago today I came to on the floor of a Las Vegas hotel room bathroom. Thankfully, so far, that was the last time I came to in that condition. My gratitude for the sobriety I have and the people who have helped me along the way on my path cannot be fully expressed. However that deep gratitude is there and it sustains my soul.

Ten years…


10 year Sober and Grateful Fearsome Beard

2557 Days

Seven years ago today I got sober.

My seven year chip

Thats 2557 days of uninterrupted reality.

I stay sober 1 day at a time. May tomorrow be just another one of those days.

You see I don’t drink like regular people. If I take a drink I have no idea where I will end up. Once one drink is in me, I go to the bitter end of fucked up drunkeness.

Therefore I choose to not drink at all. Life is better for me that way. Not everyone is like me, but I am.


Given all the life changes of recent, add in the travel plus that necessity called work and what happens? I forget important things. Important things like a blogiversary.

Yup. Fearsome Beard turned 4 years old on June 1, 2018 and I forgot.

Hopefully next year I’ll remember!


Best friends for twenty years.

Clayton and I met one July night twenty years ago in 1997. I had stopped into Hamburger Mary’s for a cocktail (more like six or seven…probably more) and he was barbacking for Matt. A cute (hot) little  bear cub he was. We hit it off right away. We hit it off so well that when I woke up the in his bed the next morning I immediately asked “Where’s your phone” to which he replied “Why?”, “I need to call my husband” I replied, “Husband? You have a husband?” he said.

That was one hell of a hangover and I had more than some ‘splainin’ to do when I got home. Fidelity wasn’t my strong point and definitely wasn’t when I was gettin’ my drink on back in those wild younger days. The Better Half and I made it through, and so did Clayton and I.

Somehow, even though we were both quite young, Clayton and I were able to channel that sexual attraction, shit who am I fooling?… full on infatuation, into a friendship. Not only a friendship, but a best friend friendship. He and The Better Half became close friends as well.

I’ve stuck by him through his relationships, boyfriends, loss of his dad, bad roommates, good roommates, home-buying, work issues, personal issues, laughter, tears, moving, travel, car accidents, baseball games, many cocktails and many achievements. He’s stuck by me through depression, drunkenness, getting sober, death of friends, pets and family, laughter, tears, job changes, travels, bad behavior, good behavior, other marital infidelities, shopping, bar hopping, and he even rescued me from a possible DUI arrest.

Twenty years. Damn. I love him and I know he loves me.

Today’s Beard of the Day photo was taken in Puerto Vallarta some 16 or 17 maybe even 18 years ago. We need to take a photo in that position again to mark our enduring friendship, this time maybe with shirts on…then again maybe not.

Reflections on 5 years


Interesting word. Clearheaded state of being. Has many interpretations. Isn’t for everyone. Is wonderful for me.

My 5 year token

My 5 year token

My sobriety date is 7 November 2011. That was my first day without drugs or alcohol.

I haven’t used recreational substances since that date. I’m one of those who cannot use any. I can’t stop once I start. I tried moderation. I tried different substance. I tried different drinks. I tried controlling. I tried limiting. I tried period. I’d try then I couldn’t stop until I was sick, passed out, blacked out, injured, embarrassed, in trouble, lost, confused, missed work, lapsed responsibility …I couldn’t stop. I’d lost me.

Not everyone is like me. I found others like me that were not drinking. They weren’t drugging either. Things were working for them. I decided to try what they were doing. It worked for me. Not drinking worked for me. Alcohol was my mind altering drug of choice, the others were auxiliary enhancements. I don’t need them and I not longer drink.

There are many ways for people to live their lives. I’ve found a way that works for me. I celebrate the anniversary of making that discovery today. I celebrate five years of living one day at a time unaltered and sober. I like being this way. I actually enjoy hanging with my friends who do drink and those who don’t. I keep booze in my house for those who do drink and they keep Juice and club soda in their house for me.

I live life in a world of diversity. This beautiful life in this beautiful world. I love my life.