We Are Family

One thing Anne Marie taught me was to have a good time.

Times get hard, politics can suck, shit happens, illness comes and it goes, we age, life isn’t always fair, work is …well work and sometimes all we can do is scream FUCK!

But

We can always stop and have a dance party.

She taught me to feel the pain, but to get up and change my attitude. To get up, get back to it and most of all have a good time. Life is short, why waste it?

She taught me that we can create our own family through our community.

Sister Sledge – We Are Family – 1979

Anne Marie, you are family!

Mom’s in the hospital

She will be ok but my attention is not here at the moment.

So in the mean time I’ll post this seasonal video from a simpler less stressful time.

Enjoy.

She has a name!

Let us officially introduce …

Hazel

Hazel has been adjusting quite well. She had her first veterinary visit today and has a clean bill of health. She is a happy girl!

Friends, Cities and Family

The last week of April the better half and I celebrated 29 years together by treating ourselves to a east coast trip to both New York and Philadelphia. The kind lady that the check in desk of New York’s Marriott Marquis Time Square surprised us with a room upgrade. We found ourselves blessed with an unbelievable 35th floor view of Time Square eye to eye with the famous clock.

Time Square View April 2019

New York was wonderful. We made it to the Guggenheim, the Frick, MOMA, the Vessel, Bergdorf’s, the Fashion Institute, Mood, a Metz game, Rockefeller Center, Macy’s and of corse Tiffany. We saw To Kill a Mocking Bird, The Cher Show and Dear Evan Hansen. A whirlwind it was, a good one in fact.

Fearsome met a rather inspiring politician at Penn station awaiting his train to Philly.

Elijah E. Cummings

In Philly we were greeted by three wonderful friends and bloggers. Bloggers known as Mistress Maddie,  Arteejee  and none other than the famous Anne Marie in Philly. We had a great dinner with the three of them. Fun conversation and lots of laughter. Blogging really does have its benefits. The bloggers I’ve met in person over the years have all become treasured friends. I’ll be back to see these three!

Todd, Fearsome, Maddie and Anne Marie

The next day was spent with family as a Fearsome’s niece lives just outside of Philadelphia . We attended a Phillies game with the whole crew.

The better half is obviously celebrating the day, Cinco De Mayo.  …back row… Fearsome, Mom, Sister in law, brother, nephew in law, …next row… The Better Half, niece in law, great niece, great niece, great nephew and niece all taking in a Phillies game on May 5, 2019.

The highlight of our trip? Well there were many and you know what? The whole trip was a highlight. I’m blessed with a husband I love, friends I love and family I love.

First year

Just over a year ago we fostered then adopted Phoebe.

Shortly after Phoebe joined our pack, Betty came home with us as a foster. As either you know or guessed she was also permanently adopted.

The Better Half, Phoebe, Betty and Fearsome

Both Betty & Phoebe were rescued by the San Diego Humane Society from a horrid hoarding situation. Today more than a year later they are happy healthy little girls.

Abner(looking away), Phoebe, Betty & Patsy

Originally 92 Yorkies were found confined in a dark filthy room within a home here in a San Diego Suburb. They became known as The 92 Yorkies. Several weeks later another 30 or so were discovered hidden in a back room of a restaurant that the residents of the house owned. Then again several weeks after that one of the guilty owners was arrested in a motor home in Nevada escaping with yet another 40 or so Yorkies.

Betty and Phoebe were in that last rescue out of that escaping motor home.

We take a moment to honor the San Diego Humane Society for their heroic efforts and to also congratulate Betty & Phoebe for their first anniversary as part of our loving pack.

When all was said and done and the pregnant females all gave birth the total of rescued Yorkies came close to 200. We are honored and blessed that two of those came to our home and my father in law adapted a third one named Apple.

Apple

Apple and Fearsome’s Dad-in-Law

Whew!

What a week it’s been. Hopefully I can write more soon. However at this moment…

Fearsome with mom

…we are on our way back to San Diego!

Life’s changes

It’s 6:20 A.M. in San Diego. We, Fearsome and myself, just boarded United Flight 307 to Chicago. Our final destination is my hometown, Roanoke Va.

Life in our (The Better Half, Fearsome, 7 dogs and myself) San Diego home of more than 25 years will change dramatically at the end of this next week. We will be flying my mother back with me to her new home which is our home.

I’ll spend the week keeping Fearsome out of the moving boxes and suitcases as we pack up the final items left in my family home. Mom has lived in that house since 1957. Dad passed about 2.5 years ago and my oldest brother followed him a year later. The era of our core family in that house has passed and Mom is totally cool with that. It’s time for a new family to give it new life and it is time for Mom to head west to her final horizon.

Emotions will ebb and flow this week. Memories both happy and sad will surface. Laughter, tears, love, hope and gratitude will be shared.

Where have we been?

Absent.

Elsewhere.

Distracted.

Missing.

The time has come. Mom is ready to move out of my childhood home. She’s lived there since 1957 and raised 3 boys there. Dad passed more than 2 years ago. She finally retired in December. Her last dog passed at the new year. The house is too much work for a little 86 year old lady.

It’s her decision. She is ready. She has decided that she wants to live with us in San Diego rather than with my brother in our hometown. She hates winter and loves dogs.

I’ve spent the last two weeks back east helping her sort, clean, decide, pack, throw out and donate. Her ticket has been purchased. I fly back Mother’s day weekend. We spend the week finalizing. She flys back with me, first class, to her new home in San Diego on May 18, 2018. Her new home is the first floor bedroom of our house.

Fearsome has been a big part of it all. From getting stuck on packing tape to literally getting himself caught in the recycle bin when the lid fell shut. He’s there all the way.

So now you know. We’ve been beyond work distraction to major life changes. We need to reflect on this more. We will post more about aging, emotions, family, changes, life, blessings and gratitude.

Gratitude for the opportunity and ability to support the one who once supported me into her final phase.

I’ll call it what it is.

A blessing.

Family

We are blessed. We have two families. The one we were born into and the one we choose.

Our natal families folded into one larger family after we settled into our life together. I into The Better Half’s, he into mine and ours into each other. This made for one big family that blessed us even more.

Living away from our family for many years allowed us to choose a chosen family of good friends who care and love each other as if we had always been and will continue to be. This family is large and blesses our home with more than 30 holiday celebrants each and every Christmas Day. Our blessing overflows.

Our friends extend beyond or natal family and our chosen family into our work, interests, neighbors, bloggers, vacation acquaintances and just plain old good friends who live both near and far. Our bounty of blessings humble us.

Love, respect and sincerity are the basis of this blessing we call family.

This most recent trip filled our cup. I met with two blog buddies for a wonderful dinner. Unfortunately the third wasn’t able to join due to an illness but we sent our love to him in hopes that better days lie ahead. We, the better half & I, then set off via Amtrack to New York with part of my natal family for one of those experiences that money could never buy (but definitely helps with😉).

You see after the loss of my father I asked my mother, who had been caring for him, where had she always wanted to go. She said New York to see The Rockettes. That was her dream. Not Paris, not London, not even Hawaii. I promised her then that we would take her to New York. It took two years and she lost her oldest son before it happened, but it happened. We made a family trip out of it with Mom, me, The Better Half, my brother, sister-in-law, niece, her husband, two great grandchildren and a nephew.

Family

Nothing, no nothing will ever mean as much to me as my mother grabbing my hand after the curtain fell at the end of The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular as tears streamed down her face as she said “I have never seen anything so beautiful!” They exceeded her expectations and believe me she had high expectations.

For her to have her family with her on a trip she had only dreamed of all of her life, a dream she probably thought would never come to be, was truly a dream come true. I cannot express my gratitude for the blessing that that moment, my family and life truly is.

The moral of this post, at least for me, is that this is our one life, so live it, love it, share it, and give it. Give it to your natal family, or your chosen family, or both. Give it to someone you meet, you work with, you run into or even to someone you don’t know at all. Give a smile, share a laugh, respect, understand, forgive, serve and most of all love. Just love.

Entering Macy’s Herald Square entrance during the debut moment of holiday decorations.

The employees lined the side of the aisle and cheered us as we entered the store, Stunning

Lady Liberty

911 Memorial, -emotional-

Fearsome Photobombing in Time Square

Sightseeing under Lady Liberty

3rd row Center Stage at Radio City

Santa

The Rockettes

Up front and close enough to see their smiles!

From 5 to 85, New York is fabulous, family makes it even better!

Live from New York

Fearsome and his family take on The Big Apple!

Fearsome and the Family

Wind blown with Mom on Top of The Rock

At St. Patrick’s

In Time Square with The Better Half

Enjoying Renoir

Eating real Chinese (except with a fork)

Experiencing Egyptian ruins

An opening day win and one amazing remake

Wow! What a game. Back and forth scores, multiple home runs and even an opposing team (SF Giants) grand slam and our Beloved Padres eeked out a 7-6 win over San Fransisco’s Giants. It was a down to the wire fun to watch nail biter! In other words a well matched good game. Baseball, at its best!

Opening day National Anthem

Fearsome and his opening day posse at Petco Park

After our return home we settle into bed to find out that Pentanonix just posted one fucking incredible remake of one of Rock Music’s best classics.

Wow, just wow! …oh yeah if you even slightly enjoyed Queen, this will be so worth your time.

Mrs. Evans

A couple days ago I started organizing my paperwork for my tax accountant. I’m one of those who has a big file drawer who throws the entire year into it unorganized but in the drawer. Each February I empty the drawer in order to separate all receipts, bills, documents and the like into a proper order for accumulating the data necessary to file taxes for a self employed person. It’s quite the monumentous task.

I have rituals to make it a tolerable task.

First I go in knowing have planted some cards or notes that I have received in the past in that drawer the year before to stumble upon to break up the monotony. I started this years ago. I move the cards back into the drawer each year from the year before so I can find them Year after year as hidden treasures. Each year a new card or note makes its way into this collection, something that is special and evokes personal emotion. The cards get mixed up in there so I never know when I will happen upon one.

Then upon emptying the drawer I find the place on the internet where the Maya Angelou Master Class, which I posted a couple days back, is now located. It’s always bootleggely posted somewhere until the powers that own it find it and then it will show up in some other obscure place. I then proceed to play this 42 minute Master Class on a continueous loop as background listening. It motivates me while it reinforces my personal values as well as those I strive to obtain.

Once my drawer is dumped out on the sorting table (a desk in the guest room) and Maya is playing in the background, I commence opening each crumpled receipt, paper and card. I read each one and start making piles on the guest room bed. Piles of organization for filing, tabulating and organizing.

This year I was stopped in my tracks by this:

Halloween card from Betty L. Drummond …AKA Mrs. Evans

The last card I ever received from her.

Betty Evans was the lady across the street when I was growing up. My mother worked for the parks and recreation department of our city, Betty was a stay at home mom who’s kids were a little older. Mrs. Evans was my baby sitter and second mom. She wasn’t the most refined of ladies. She was not blessed with money or an easy life. She was just a woman full of love and a woman who loved life. She loved me as if I was one of hers and I loved her as if she were my mom.

Mrs. Evans became quite ill later in her life and this card from 1998 was the last one I ever received from her. By the time she wrote this card she had sold her home across the street from my parents and moved in with her son. I had apparently tucked the card away in the back of our antique china cabinet. Last January we sold that Art Deco dining room set and I had found the card cleaning it out. In my receipt drawer it went.

Finding that card brought back a rush of childhood into the mundane yearly task of receipt sorting. It helped to bring me to a place of gratitude for the life I have been blessed with so far, the life I’m gifted with at this very moment and the bright future that lies ahead.

Betty (Evans) Drummond taught me that no matter what happens, no matter when life deals you a bad card, to always get up with a smile on your face and share love with those around you. She taught me that love always makes everything better.

May Mrs. Evans beautiful smile full of love touch your heart today.

Mom updates

Mom is doing much better. Big relief. Physical therapy has worked well for her. She is much more herself.

Her birthday party was a success and she absolutely loves her new Apple Watch. She is calling everyone from her wrist. Seriously!

Fearsome Mom

Yes, I made the cake. Kentucky Butter Cake! (You can find the recipe HERE)

After a wonderful time with mom, Fearsome and I boarded our flight to start our journey home. Due to the tumultuous weekend of policy changes by decree we figured we may see a bit of discourse along the way. San Diego International did not disappoint.

Outside baggage claim thousands of peaceful protestors as far as the eye could see, even on the upper level drop off area. We added our cheers of support as we made our way through the crowd having to walk to the smaller domestic flight only terminal for pick up. It was an uplifting walk after a weekend of disconcerting news.

Yesterday we took another step in our support of compassionate human values. If you are so inclined you can add your support as well simply by clicking HERE.

We are glad to be home safely with our family. We pray for everyone that are separated from families/loved ones and for all those that are displaced from their home/homelands that are simply seeking safe refuge in order to live.

 

Mom

Mom turns 85 this week. Mom is recovering well from the mild stroke she had back in early December. I’m flying out Tuesday to visit mom to celebrate her birthday this week. I got her a gift from my local Apple Store.

Apple Watch Sport and a Milanese loop magnetic band.

Mom lives alone. Mom occasionally falls. Mom wants to remain in the house she and dad purchased in 1957. Mom cherishes her independence. Mom needs some type of device to call for help just in case.

I’ve researched the Life Alert buttons, the call center monitors and the like. All of them scream you are old and you have to now wear this horrible looking button around your neck. Plus you must now have an ugly two way monitoring station connected to some call center in your home with a monthly fee. And, oh by the way, don’t venture out of range of this station unless someone is with you. Stay Put! Wear This House Arrest Button …FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY DAMMIT!

Enter Apple products. Mom already has an iPhone, an iPad and has WiFi in her house. If her phone is with her she is covered …such as when she leaves the house. However she doesn’t carry the iPhone with her in the house. Last summer Apple added an SOS feature to the Apple Watch OS. By giving her this new watch I will put a life alert system right on her wrist. One that she can even wear in the shower.

The Apple Watch features a new SOS alert that you can activate from the screen that will call 911 first and then start calling the contacts you have in your iPhone’s emergency contact list automatically. What if she falls and can’t activate the screen you ask? Apple’s SIRI has that covered as well. The Apple Watch responds to the “Hey Siri” command and will call 911, my brother, myself or whoever she chooses simply with her verbal command right from her wrist. Her phone doesn’t have to be with her as it will use the WiFi in her house. If she is out her phone is in her purse and she can still use the  Apple Watch as it will then call through the phone.

Was it inexpensive? No.

Was it reasonable for what it will do? Hell yes.

Was it a bargain in order to have mom wearing a stylish hip happening piece of technology on her wrist that doesn’t scream “I am old and my son makes me wear this help I’ve fallen and can’t get up button”? Big hell fucking yes!

Knowing this information, what do I want for Christmas next year? An Apple Watch. You don’t have to be 85 to fall and not be able to get up.

Talent

The youngest of Fearsome’s two godsons just posted this video to YouTube. He choreographed it and he is the he of the five performing.

Talented he is.

Markus Hallmark

Look for more from this talented young man. A lot more of him you will see.

Mom, Winter Solstice and More Tradition

A friend and reader text me earlier to check on mom. He nudged me since I hadn’t written. Mom is doing ok. I say ok because while her drive, outlook and spirit are very much all going for her, her body is becoming frail. As long as her blood pressure can be controlled she shouldn’t have any more small strokes. She will recover in a couple months from the small ones she had. Her health checks out good otherwise but she is dizzy, unsteady and tires easily right now.

Her 85th birthday is in late January and I have already booked the trip out to be there. We are installing a chair lift for her staircase, getting her an “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” button and changing a few things to make life alone in the house she purchased in 1957 a bit safer. She wants to work, she wants to live alone in her house, she wants to drive and she is determined.

I realize her days are limited, as does she. However she has enough means to bring in some help if she needs it. As her son it’s my job to keep an eye out, advise her strongly if necessary and help her achieve her goals for enjoying what time she does have. I’ve asked her if she would move here as I have a first floor bedroom suite she can move into, she says maybe one day.

Happy Solstice to All Y’all! …(pleural for y’all)

On this the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, I am reminded that tomorrow really will be a new day. Tomorrow starts the new cycle. The sun will begin its return. The world will turn yet again. I am given hope. I realize that all of life is a cycle. It is simply the pattern to which we are born. The earth revolves, seasons revolve, our solar system revolves, all life including all plants and animals cycle and all have a time and a place. The universe is one big revolving circle and I am blessed to be a part of it.

The fulfillment of my life has to simply be to do my best to leave here having left something good behind. Nothing is too big or too small, it just has to be good. Just do good, give good, share good and leave good.

My grove of traditional trees from my childhood.

This years Xmas dinner of chosen family at our home is themed “Coming Home”. Last year we weren’t here for our chosen family’s traditional Christmas dinner gathering as we went to be with my mom due to my father’s passing. This year we are back to our home in San Diego. Therefore given the theme all gifts for the white elephant gift exchange are to be from small neighborhood businesses. I chose two natural open growth Nobel Fir trees from our neighborhood nursery to decorate in a style that we fifty somethings remember from the 1960s. They are complete with tinsel icicles and not a single LED light. Yup the 1960s weren’t exactly environmentally friendly. No worries though as I will recycle the trees after properly disposing of the tinsel and the incandescent lights are powered by my solar power system.

One other seasonal tradition of ours I will leave you with on this winter solstice day is Author Feidler and The Boston Pops rendition of Sleigh Ride.

It’s officially winter …Enjoy!

Winter Storms, Dr. Appointments, Tire Blowouts and a First Class Seat

It’s 8 am, outside it’s 27 degrees F and the wind is briskly blowing. We already had our high for the day of 30 degrees F at 5 am. You guessed it, I’m not in San Diego but at my mother’s house in Virginia.

I’m booked out of here tomorrow at 6:45 am. The temperature at that time is forecast to be about 12 degrees F. Snow isn’t expected here until later in the day tomorrow. I fly through Chicago, landing at about 7:30 am and out to San Diego at 10:30 am just ahead of the winter storm that’s to bring that city snow later in the afternoon as well.

My phone buzzes with text from United warning me of possible delays and free flight change options. I’ve already called the Premier hotline and discussed options with an agent and we were in agreement that keeping my current schedule will hopefully precede the storm and be most prudent.

Mom had a heart echo yesterday morning. Shortly afterward we were to be at her Dr. Office for a follow up appointment. Her Dr. Office is about a 20 minute drive involving Interstate 81 north into Botetourt county. We jumped on the road and headed that direction in her Toyota Camry Hybrid. Like son like mother, she has a hybrid too.

As we were headed uphill around a curve on that semi truck laden two lane interstate I heard a noise and felt it best to pull over. Yup nail sticking out of passenger rear tire. I know better than to pull that out as we still had air, the exit was about a mile ahead and the shoulder we were on was tight and dangerous. I got back in and back onto the Interstate freeway. We made it about a half mile before the noise was worse and I looked into rear view mirror to see the white rubber smoke billowing out behind us. We had blown the tire.

I pulled off again out of absolute necessity. This time a much better spot that was flat, visible and very wide. Much safer. I first called her Dr. as her getting in was priority and they had one opening 3 hours later, score. I called my SoCal AAA and they quickly connected me with Virginia AAA. The most helpful woman on the other end sent a truck immediately as being on the side of an interstate is considered dangerous and urgent. She looked up the closest garage where I could get a tire and gave me their number. I called and they had the exact tire to match her set. The AAA truck was there in 10 minutes, tire changed in 5 minutes. We drove to the tire place and they had a bay open and waiting with the tire. We had a new tire on the car, were paid and out of there in 20 minutes.

Wow. Shit happens and what was it I wrote about angels the other day? They are here and even though life has bumps, the angels get us through. I took mom to a wonderful lunch and we were at her re-scheduled Dr. appointment 15 minutes early. The appointment went well. We still have a couple tests to get back in before they can make any definitive decisions on her rehabilitation. She is doing pretty well and her go-getter attitude sure helps. She is easily tired with a dose of dizziness. My brother, who lives here, and I will keep working together to help her remain as independent as she wants to be as long as possible. She’s planning to go back to work in a few weeks if she can. I hope she can as she loves it there.

What does a first class seat have to do with my travels? The travel that was delayed a day coming out due to a winter storm and the travel back that is being threatened by another winter storm? I checked in for my flights this morning and scored an upgrade from Chicago to San Diego in first class. They will be serving lunch. I will enjoy it.

Off to mom’s house…soon

Conflicting information.

Mom tells us she’s ok. Yet her voice says different.

CT scan says one thing, MRI shows a variation yet confirms it’s not bad.

A blood test needs to be redrawn as it’s inconclusive. A needed heart echo has yet be performed.

Doctors will not talk to children without written permission and she must go there to give the written permission but shouldn’t drive.

I was supposed to be at the airport right now boarding my flight to get there. I sit in my family room at home writing instead. Alas there is a winter storm hitting Chicago and O’Hare is closed, all United flights are cancelled through Chicago. ALL.

Rescheduled Plans have me leaving tomorrow morning through Dulles to get home. Any flight today will be so re-routed that I end up flying through several cities and turn into a red eye thus I wouldn’t get there until Monday anyway.

I will get more work done. I will get more of my life in order as I wait. I will get there tomorrow. Patience is a virtue.

Small Stroke

A warning.

I knew when I talked to mom Thursday after arriving in Ft Lauderdale that something wasn’t right. I know her voice. She kept saying she was tired, that’s all just tired.

I had thought to myself “call her Friday”, just check.

Life gets busy, I get distracted, I didn’t call.

Small stroke on CT scan. Occurred most likely a few days ago, maybe last Friday….or Thursday…

Shes home. She’s ok. Not threatening. No real visible effects, just a change in speech pattern and she’s says her handwriting isn’t as big as it should be.

MRI and two different heart tests scheduled over the next couple days. Check further, make sure there’s nothing more.

I fly to San Diego today. Once there I can decide what days it would be best to burn up a few frequent flying miles I’ve been hoarding.

I’m grateful I have more than a half million frequent flyer miles to burn as needed. I’m grateful she’s ok right now. I’m grateful I know her voice, her speech pattern all to well. I’m grateful her doctor was on it right away. I’m grateful my brother was there to take her. I’m grateful that her co-workers noticed the change in her speech yesterday morning when she arrived at work. I’m grateful she’s such a go getter that she went to work yesterday even though we told her not to. I’m grateful to have learned the lesson to go with my first instinct when something is amiss and not let the “I’m tired” excuse stick. I’m grateful to have the blessing that is my mom.

She will be ok.

 

Mom

Mom isn’t quite five feet tall. She’s a petite woman who can’t be missed. She might be small, her presence is large.

No she isn’t loud, boisterous or obnoxious. She’s actually quiet, courteous and plesant.

Mom is a go getter. Mom gets things done. Mom is 84. Mom works three days a week. Mom has never yet retired, just cut back. Mom has worked for the same employer since 1960. Mom believes in having a positive outlook. Mom gives. Mom gives freely to everyone around her with no expectations. Mom inspires.

I flew into Ft Lauderdale last Thursday. I called mom after landing. Mom didn’t sound good. She said she was tired. I got busy with vacation, friends and the properties down here. I didn’t talk to mom again until Sunday. Mom didn’t sound herself, she said she was tired. Still tired? That’s not mom.

I called my brother who had seen her after church. He said mom didn’t seem right. I called The Better Half in California. The Better Half called mom. He said she didn’t sound herself. He is a physician. He told her she must go see her doctor. I called my brother. He’s going to take her as soon as she can get an appointment.

Mom is a go getter. Mom is positive. Mom always does well.

I hope mom is ok.