Timing

Are there appropriate and inappropriate ways to go about timing the unsubscribing from another’s blog?

I mean do bloggers really pay attention to their subscription numbers? Does one notice when numbers go up and down? As a blogger is one excited when one receives a new subscription or disappointed when one is lost? What does it mean to a blogger when adding or losing a subscriber? Does the post when a blogger loses a subscriber matter? Does a blogger feel hurt when the loss of a subscriber happens when the post is very personal? Should there be an etiquette about unsubscribing? Should we think about the blogger when making a decision to leave them? Should we leave in a respectful way? Are there better times to unsubscribe than others?

These are questions I will contemplate today.

Why you ask? Why would this topic of contemplation come up for me now this very moment?
It comes up this morning as the post I posted yesterday wasn’t a political or a controversial post, but simply a picture of a much younger me with my dear sweet Mitzi when she was but a puppy. A post that at the time of posting I had one more subscriber than I do this morning some 12 hours later.

Hmmmm …I wonder …. Am I that superficial?
…contemplate I will.
Smooches to everyone who passes through here today.

 

What is up with me…

So a few of you have noticed from my Blue Bear comment post over on Joe.My.God that my mother fell and broke a few ribs, turns out she also had an unknown raging urinary tract infection. I first commented on Sunday early evening as I sat in the ER with my mother after the fall. It was a long and lonely time sitting there as her pain and confusion increased hour by hour. The Joe.My.God family of commenters lifted my spirits with their kind words, love and concern. I love the blogging communities I’m part of. I hadn’t written anything here yet but felt it time.

First I want to thank those of you who have noticed and expressed here your support and your love. It is felt and appreciated.

After her admission to a regular room Sunday evening I left to get home, have some dinner and to rest. Right before bed I got the call she was being moved to Intensive Care. They said no need for me to come in as I wouldn’t be able to visit until morning and they needed to move her only for closer observation. I got a good nights sleep and came back to visit Monday.

While visiting Monday they moved her to a regular room as she was doing better. Yesterday she was somewhat confused and today she is better. The Dr. was just here in the room and said her plan is physical therapy later today and she may be discharged to a post acute care rehab tomorrow.

Mom has lived with my husband and I in our home for almost 6 years now. It’s been good and it’s been challenging. This is the third hospitalization after a fall in the past year. First the right hip, then the left and now ribs. Right now the focus will be a rehab facility and after that we will see about either hiring someone to come into our home or a longer stay elsewhere as it all depends on her progress and her strength.

I will say this, being 91 and frail is not for the faint of heart as it is a struggle. The struggle is real.

I will try to do better about posting on such personal matters and struggles as this. The writing, reflection and contemplation helps me. Hopefully it helps others too who may be walking through similar challenges.

Grammar police

So it’s happened to me again. I’ve been unnecessarily and rudely corrected in public.

I’m a an occasional commenter on a very popular LGBTQ blog that has a rather large amount of commenters on mostly news and political posts. The comment section gets rather lively and is often hilarious. Having been participating for many years, I feel as I’m part of a family over there. I probably spend too much time in that comment section when I should be putting that time and energy writing blog posts here.

There is one annoying thing I run into over there and that is the self appointed grammar police. They seem to feel it their job to seek and find grammatical errors and then just blatantly correct another commenter just right there in the open on a public forum. I guess their superior ego needs to make them feel good pointing out the error of another. They are obviously better at English than I am so why not show it? Of corse at the cost of making people like me look stupid and uneducated.

It’s just fucking rude.

It is one thing if my grammatical error actually changes the meaning of what I, or other poor unsuspecting commenters, intend to convey which can and does occur. In that case a caring individual might make a gentle comment simply saying “Maybe you could say such and such like this, rather than that as it can be confusing the way you have stated it as to your intended meaning.” However it’s another thing to just interject an abrupt correction that in no way changes the intended message, but does make the person writing the comment look bad.

To give you an example, earlier today I made this comment on a post: “Oh well that’s three less votes for …”  And within a few minutes I had the single word response “fewer.”

I found this quite rude and it’s far from the first time it has happened. Before writing this post I decided to Google the usage to make sure that my use of “less” rather than “fewer” didn’t change the intended meaning and it doesn’t. It apparently is proper to use “fewer” rather than “less” in this instance, but it didn’t change the meaning. So why would someone bother to make such a correction other than to boost their own ego by pointing out my error?

To these grammar police I’d like to say it’s not your business to correct me or anyone else who makes a simple grammatical error, especially in a public forum in front of other people. You aren’t being superior, you’re just being rude showing your “assumed”superiority. Not all of us had the means to go to college and get degrees in English. Some of us struggled in high school and then did the best we could to get training in a field afterward to go out and make a living. I, and many others like me, have worked hard and made a good life for ourselves and our families without the advantages of a higher university education, nor were we the type who excelled in the underfunded public schools we grew up in on the poor side of town.

There I’ve said my peace here on my own blog without getting into an argument in another bloggers comment section nor downvoting the rude comment from a self appointed grammar police troll.

Having said my peace on my little soapbox, I try my best on the few blog posts I write and the comments I make to use the best grammar I know how and to spell to the best of my ability. I do and will make mistakes. I do welcome corrections as long as they are in a kind courteous manner. Corrections help me to learn and grow. Some corrections are actually very necessary as some errors can change the intended meaning of a well intended thought. So what I’m saying is don’t ever not correct me, but correct myself and others only when it is needed, and please do so in a kind and courteous way.

May Peace be …

I was so young when The Youngbloods originally recorded (1966) and then released (1967) this song I do not remember it. However this song is part of my life’s soundtrack and I do remember it being popular as it was re-released by The Youngbloods again in 1969 and finally making it to #5 in the charts.

The tune has a longer history dating back to a performance of it in 1964 by The Kingston Trio and also having been recorded after that date by a number of artists including Jefferson Airplane and David Crosby. However it is this version by The Youngbloods that has remained the most popular and remembered.

I post it today as I find we are at another one of those turbulent times that reminds us that security is but an illusion and peace can sometimes seem elusive. For me what  I have to remember is that hate cannot rid us of hate, only love can do that.

I must take a deep breath and take time to respond and not to react. I must strive to understand, accept, respect, have empathy, forgive, share, have patience, give and love. I must remember that truth always reveals itself, even if it takes longer than I want it to. I must strive to learn, to grow and to teach. I must smile, I must smile on you and even smile on those with whom I differ. I must remember that I am human and I have more in common with others than I sometimes realize, as they are human as well.

I mustn’t claim to have all the answers because I don’t. I must stand for righteousness without acting, feeling or being superior. I must remember that actions speak louder than words. I must be kind. I must be an example of what is good by being just that which is good. I mustn’t judge, nor throw stones. I must help those in need. I must love, love unconditionally.

The Youngbloods – Get Together – 1966

May peace be with you my brother, my sister, my friend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We pause to say Thank You for the many blessings in our lives.

We are thankful for you, you who are reading these words. Bloggers and blog readers make up a wonderful world wide community. We are thankful we are and you are part of it!

Remember that no matter what, there is always something to be grateful for.

Vince Guaraldi Trio – Thanksgiving Theme – Remastered 2012

The Lies of Handsome Men

Looking back over my life, I find that I’ve often chosen to believe the lies.

Although I could have made wiser choices, it was worth believing the lies.

Why Pride?

Looking beyond the parties, parades, festivals and celebrations we here at Fearsome Beard contemplate the why. What makes Pride important?

Lets start with this short film.

Caught Inside – Gay Surfers – Gay short documentary – 2018

We are here, let’s dance!

Fearsome Beard is Seven!

Yes today, June 1, 2021, marks seven years since the first post here on this here little blog thingy. Inspired by many dear friends out here in the blog community, I stepped out on a limb and wrote my first post.

Little did I ever dream that as of today I would still be blogging but also have 976 followers, 3,984 posts, 14,771 comments and 453,386 views from 147,739 visitors.

I actually love blogging and especially love the community. I am not good as I should be at keeping up with others and am even worse about commenting. I love comments and thus I should comment more.  Maybe I should set a goal. Hmmmm.

Thank each and every one of you for reading, clicking, commenting, liking and for the love that is in our community. Cheers to year 8!

Right Here, Right Now

WARNING; Rant ahead. You might want to skip the beginning of this one if you are overwhelmed or easily offended…but I’ve gotta get it out. My emotions have overcome me to the point I am angry. I need to shift my attitude but in order to shift I’ve first  gotta rant.

Disgust.
Disgust  is what I’ve felt since the news of the point blank shooting of 20 year old Duarte Wright by a police officer. Pulled over and shot point blank for simply driving while black. Another police murder during the trial of George Floyd’s murderer cop is underway with both crimes taking place in the same region of Minnesota.
I am no longer sorry to say that I feel that most of the police departments in this country are full of racist cowards. The whole system may possibly need to be dismantled in order to reorganize, purge and start over. Week after week more cowardly racist asshole police officers just fucking harass and often simply murder people of color.
I used to think the police were the good guys. After this past year I now know many of them are as crooked as that asshole who just left the white house. Many of them are crooked, racist, violent, cowardly liars.

So now that I’ve gotten a rant off my chest and graphically told you how I feel, I need to see how I can move on.

I can move on by focusing first on what I can do right here, right now.

What is important to me? What do I value?

I value love, respect, understanding, acceptance, diversity and kindness. How can I get more of these beautiful treasures? I can start by giving these things to the world right now and right where I am.

I can call a friend and say “I love you”. I can tell an associate at work that I value their knowledge and respect their input. I can take a moment to listen to and understand someone else who needs an ear. I can accept that the anxious person wanting to force their way into my lane of traffic may be stressed and possibly late to pick up their child by graciously letting them in front of me. I can seek to experience  a diverse and different point of view that might open my eyes to seeing things from another angle or culture. I can say a kind word to the overworked mother who’s checking out my groceries at the store while saying her name from her name tag and looking into her eyes.

I can say to you my reader thank you. Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for letting me rant. Thank you for understanding that I get overwhelmed. Thank you for letting me have an opinion. Thank you for allowing me to come to a better place by realizing that while I can’t change what happened in Minneapolis, I can change the world right here, right now simply by spreading the good things I value. By spreading good, one by one good things spread further. With each good deed the world gets better one moment, one person, one smile at a time.

I can also share beauty, art and music. This is an all time favorite that never fails to bring a smile to my face. Oh, and by the way…I love you, I love you for being right here, right now.

Stephanie Mills – I Never Knew Love Like This Before – 1980

Ok, I’ve got to lighten up

Confession time.
I’ve allowed the political shenanigans that is Washington overwhelm me again. For the last four years I haven’t  been able to be who I want to be in the blog world because I inundate myself with news. It kills my spirit. After the election I filled with hope until January 6. I pulled through and got myself up for Inauguration Day and then that damn turtle got me down again by not allowing impeachment to take place before or after inauguration.

Fuck him and 42 other asshole senators as well.

Ok so here I am after an acquittal of a guilty insurrectionist. What can I do? I can step it up and move on. I’ll start with humor.

Thank all of you for sticking with me through all of this. May brighter future lay in front of us.

We Reap What We Sow

This is a monumental week for me as a liberal left leaning democrat. I must remember to be careful, careful of my expectations. Utopia cannot happen at once but must be built. Patience and an open mind will benefit me as we move forward.

I am ready to lay this burden of angst down and lift my wings and fly. However I will remember that I do reap what I sow.

Annie Lennox – Little Bird – 1992

Hope

Hope can be a complicated word for me. When one looks up the definition of hope the answers lean toward wish, or wishful thinking, however to me hope means more. Please don’t get me wrong as there is nothing wrong with wishful, but to me hope runs deeper.

Given that I am not a scholar, nor English major, I often look to the dictionary to help me refine the meanings of a word that I want or need for my expression. The typical definitions just don’t pinpoint the feeling I have behind the word hope.

To me hope is a very deep feeling, trust, desire and expectation for good. By this I mean good things that bring value. Values such as trust, honesty, equality, justice, kindness, service, humility, empathy, understanding and even love. Hope is something I feel from my being, my heart.

This morning I turned on this here iPad thingy to find news of hope coming from the election results in Georgia. Hope that restores my faith in us as a society. May this hope  live and grow.

 

Reflections

Time to pause.

Gratitude is what I feel when I stop to reflect on the fact I’m a sober man. 

Gratitude for the fact that I’m no longer hiding from myself and others that I have a problem that I can no longer handle. I had driven myself to the edge of a cliff and had a choice. Thankfully I chose the choice to give up self destruction for self recovery.

Today I pause to remember, be grateful and to continue forward on my current path. It’s a path that is working for me. A path of growth, serenity and honesty.

9 years – November 7, 2011

A humble reprise

Today as I walked Ft. Lauderdale Beach Boulevard I listened to the breeze. The breeze through the palms and the cypress trees sounded as if the trees were whispering to me. Other than an occasional car or person along the way the only audible sound was that of the waves in the distance.

FT. Lauderdale Beach 10/27/2020

In my solitude I couldn’t help but to continue my reflections of yesterday. I couldn’t help but to feel a bit of shame for some of the superficialities easily associated with some of the dreams. From that feeling I must take it to the next level. For me that next level must be to find some humility. I find humility through gratitude and learning.

First I must forgive myself for being human. Being human I have ego. Having ego I can look for security, or assurance, through attention. Needing attention I can gravitate toward the shallow and superficial.

For the most part my dreams have been realized and are still being realized, but I have never gotten them on my own. I’ve had help, direction, inspiration, support, love and generosity along my path. My gratitude for these gifts is deep and genuine.

I’ve been blessed to learn that the truly meaningful and fulfilling realized dreams are most often the simplest of all. The kiss of a newly rescued dog, the smile from a newborn niece, a reassuring glance from my husband, a hug from a friend, a tear wiped away by a co-worker over a seemingly devastating mistake, a smile from a stranger let into traffic and the laughter of a group of friends enjoying the simple telling of a humorous story.

You, yes you dear reader, are a blessing to me. My hope is that one person is touched in some positive way by this post and my dream for today will have been fulfilled.

Boulevard of Realized Dreams

Back in 1984 there was a rather popular poster of Gottfried Helnwein’s interpretation of Edward Hoppers iconic Nighthawks. In it Helnwein replaced Hopper’s characters with Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and Elvis Presley. The poster was titled Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Gottfried Helnwein – 1984

Nighthawks – Edward Hopper – 1942

Earlier today as I strolled along the A1A, aka Ft. Lauderdale Beach Boulevard, I was taken back to my first trip to this special place. I was but a young gay buck of 20ish years in that year of 1984. The world was my apple and I was taking my first bite of it.

Oh the dreams I dreamt as we cruised the crowded street along the beautiful beach. Expensive cars, beautiful bodies, palm trees, sea, sand, luxury condos, stylish clothes, designer glasses, garish jewelry, massive yachts, love, sex, endless nights of dancing & debauchery, exotic vacations and an openly gay lifestyle. Shallow I know, but youth and inexperience often allows young gay bucks like I was to be led astray into dreams of superficiality.

Yes those dreams all flooded back into my memory as I strolled this beautiful boulevard.

Ft. Lauderdale Beach Boulevard 10/26/2020

I can honestly say that I’ve never experienced this stretch of road and beach so empty of human activities in all the 100s of times I’ve strolled it. If there is any silver lining to Covid at all it’s the ability to experience such a moment at 11 am and 82 degrees F with a nice breeze. Such a quiet moment allows one to remember, contemplate and to dream.

Helnwein‘s interpretation of Hopper’s famous painting always gave me the empty lonely feeling of lives cut short and dreams not realized. Feelings of disappointment, loss, loneliness and sadness. As I strolled this empty stretch of typically busy avenues, I realized just how many of my 1984 dreams I’ve realized over the more than 30 years that have a passed. As I acknowledged my dreams, I started to sense how many of the dreams of those four souls in Helnwein’s interpretation had actually realized. Lives may have been cut short, tragedy may have struck, but dreams were realized and did come true for each and every one of them. My feelings about that poster which was so prevalent in 1984 shifted.

I never owned a copy of Hoppers painting nor of Helnwein’s poster. I did, however, own a copy of Michael Bedard’s interpretation of Helnwein’s interpretation. Bedard’s is entitled Window Shopping.

Window Shopping – Michael Bedard – 1989

Reflection of the 20ish boy’s somewhat shallow dreams as I strolled this morning revealed that the sheltered boy from small town Virginia has traveled the world, danced the night away on the open decks of cruise ships, met and conversed with rich and powerful people, lived and owned luxury & investment properties – even right here on this very  Ft Lauderdale beach – in various cities, found love that has even celebrated a 30 year anniversary, sex-lots of sex, lives an openly gay life as a married gay man with a husband, has owned expensive cars, worn designer clothes, has had and experienced beautiful bodies, can see the Pacific Ocean from his very own house including from it’s newly constructed guest apartment in his back yard, has a beautiful and growing family of nieces and nephews, has made lifelong friendships that deepened beyond that ever imagined, has a fulfilling career, rescues dogs, is a philanthropist, has owned loved captained and since sold his very own yacht, has the blessing of bringing his mother to live out her golden years with him as he is blessed with the ability to care for her, owns expensive beautiful art, is blessed with the talents to actually paint beautiful art, has some expensive watches and wears a Platinum Tiffany wedding band on his left hand, grows beautiful flowers in his yard, has been a drunk and found sobriety, helps his neighbors, is currently sitting sans clothing by a swimming pool in Ft. Lauderdale on this 84 degree afternoon, so many dreams…many more… the dreams keep coming true.

Material and meaningful dreams really do come true.

Dare to dream.

What dreams have you realized?

Karma Sweet Karma

5 years ago today

My marriage became legal nation wide.

Obergefell Ruling – 2015

As of that day we had been together 25 years and had been legally married in California for 7. Today we Have been together more than 30 years, legally married in California for 12 and nationally for 5. True love isn’t something we choose. True love chooses us when we least expect it.

Today we must continue to speak up, speak out, be visible and we must vote. We mustn’t take for granted the ground we have gained toward equality and freedom.

Same Love – Macklemore – 2012

Peace, love and respect.

I Believe in the Power of Love

Yesterday while driving the better half and I were discussing our experiences  with discrimination as gay men, his experiences as a Latino and my experience as a white male. Being gay men we can empathize about discrimination to a point, but we agreed we can never fully understand what it is to be black.

What we can do is acknowledge that we don’t have the same plight, but we can stand for what is right. We can speak out against injustice. We can love, support and stand with our black brothers and sisters. We can believe in the power of Love.

Power of Love – Deee-Lite – 1990

Why Love? The answer us given to us by one if our greatest inspirations.

Sex dreams

What is a blogger to do when said blogger wakes up in the middle of a dream in which said blogger is having sex with another blogger that said blogger has actually met?

Any advice?

La Vie En Rose

Majestic Beauty

La Vie En Rose – Grace Jones – 1977

From Wikipedia: -The song’s title can be translated as “Life in happy hues”, “Life seen through happy lenses”, or “Life in rosy hues”; its literal meaning is “Life in Pink.”-

No matter the circumstance or challenge, we are always blessed with a choice of how we each view and interpret that very moment. Choose wisely.