Yesterday I had a meltdown.

Emotions got the best of me. My assistant at my office who is a company employee was let go this week. I freaked out going into the holiday weekend. I’ve got lots of business Monday and will be trying to get out of town. Fear hit.

Was this meltdown really due to her termination? I mean I had just sat down and made plans with her about how we would handle the workload with my upcoming absence.

No the meltdown wasn’t about her. My company would never leave me out on a limb without back up. My boss was most understanding and helped me to see that I am human. I had a world of weight on my shoulders and I wasn’t seeing it. My boss is a ray of light. I am blessed to have her.

This post isn’t dwell on the negatives of the year. I write this to acknowledge the stressors that I might see the hidden success, strength and blessings within those clouds that facilitated the meltdown.

-2016 was the year I was to have the largest real estate deal thus far in my career. For reasons beyond my control the deal was lost to a competitor. I thought all the energy and effort I had put into securing it for a couple years prior was lost. In hindsight I learned. I learned I am capable of presenting a complete marketing package to a corporation and that I actually am capable of marketing a new development for an investment group.

-2016 was the year my shoulder pain would be cured as I was to have surgery for its repair. Well I’m still in pain and my range of motion is very limited. I can’t even pick up more than 5 pounds with my left arm and the surgery was 7 months ago. In hindsight the worst is behind me. It wasn’t one but three different surgeries performed that day. My body is re-cooperating at its own pace. I gain more range of motion weekly and I am down to just two Motrin a day, which is the least amount of anti-inflammatory medication I’ve taken daily in three years. I will regain range strength and fully recover in time.

-2016 marks the year of my brother’s death. He died one year and 1 week after my father died. Our immediate family went from all five of us down to just 3 at the anniversary of my father’s passing. Watching my mother loose her oldest son was heartbreaking. In hindsight my brother was ill for many years. His struggle with alcoholism, pancreatic disease, liver failure and diabetes had left his 62 year old body destroyed and mangled. He was suffering as were his loved ones caring for him. His demise was early yet it was his time. He touched our lives as we touched his. He lives on through us. His soul is at peace and his body no longer suffers.

-2016 marks my mother’s stroke. She is 84 and still works. My mother is young at heart, full of love and hope. She gives freely and loves unconditionally. Suddenly she can’t work, she’s stuck at home, she is weak and unsteady on her feet. She can hardly use her right hand. In hindsight it was mild. It was a warning that her blood pressure needed to be monitored daily. She was having spikes in her blood pressure and had thrown a few clots leading to several small strokes that will only temporarily limit her. She is in physical therapy. She should fully recover in time and be able to drive again and possibly work again which is her goal.

-2016 marks the worst year of my business and income since about the year 2000. My business faltered even though the real estate market is booming around me. Where- o -where had I gone wrong? Where were my referrals and clients? In hindsight I look at what I wrote above. My energies had other priorities to be directed toward. Life freakin’ happens and I met the terms life gave me. I lived. I grew. I laughed, cried, loved, traveled, gave, comforted, recovered, shared, healed. I stressed. I accomplished. I slept. I did all of it sober. I freakin’ stayed sober.

Life, it has struggles. Life, it has blessings. Life, it is a miracle. Life, it is meant to live.

Happy New Year, may the next year bring all of us challenges, growth, love, and life…yes lots of life!

11 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. Happy New Year, Mr. Fierce.

    Whilst showing that you are, indeed, human you continue to be a beacon of positivity for others.

    ~ Freckles

  2. I have learned as much as I love my job, we only get one life and life comes first. Here’s to hoping we all have a wonderful new year . I still haven’t stopped shuttering from Trump yet, but I dart board helps. It will be interesting to see what happens. Kisses to you!!!! Happy New Year!

  3. You’ve had a challenging year and the fact that you are here in 2017 in one piece is a testament to your strength. I hope that everything finally comes together for you and your family this year. 👍

  4. You never now where you’ll go, who you will meet or what will happen. It’s the beauty of life. Yet we must take the good with the bad. You always seem to learn and better yourself even when bad things happen. Here’s to adventure in 2017.

  5. I didn’t realize all of that was going on when I met you for coffee. You definitely deserve a better year in 2017.

  6. #1 – thank you for sharing
    #2 – hugs
    #3 – I am glad to see your surrounded here with love and support
    #4 – I have been through 6 personal armageddons – I recognize one when I see one – I survived all of them, and you will survive this one too.
    #5 – I will send you our Feb. PS schedule so you can come to town and I can give you prozac or group hugs or whatever is needed.

  7. Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety through many challenges, and for not allowing those challenges to keep you from seeing the positives and blessings in your life. Happy new year!!

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