Yesterday I had a meltdown.

Emotions got the best of me. My assistant at my office who is a company employee was let go this week. I freaked out going into the holiday weekend. I’ve got lots of business Monday and will be trying to get out of town. Fear hit.

Was this meltdown really due to her termination? I mean I had just sat down and made plans with her about how we would handle the workload with my upcoming absence.

No the meltdown wasn’t about her. My company would never leave me out on a limb without back up. My boss was most understanding and helped me to see that I am human. I had a world of weight on my shoulders and I wasn’t seeing it. My boss is a ray of light. I am blessed to have her.

This post isn’t dwell on the negatives of the year. I write this to acknowledge the stressors that I might see the hidden success, strength and blessings within those clouds that facilitated the meltdown.

-2016 was the year I was to have the largest real estate deal thus far in my career. For reasons beyond my control the deal was lost to a competitor. I thought all the energy and effort I had put into securing it for a couple years prior was lost. In hindsight I learned. I learned I am capable of presenting a complete marketing package to a corporation and that I actually am capable of marketing a new development for an investment group.

-2016 was the year my shoulder pain would be cured as I was to have surgery for its repair. Well I’m still in pain and my range of motion is very limited. I can’t even pick up more than 5 pounds with my left arm and the surgery was 7 months ago. In hindsight the worst is behind me. It wasn’t one but three different surgeries performed that day. My body is re-cooperating at its own pace. I gain more range of motion weekly and I am down to just two Motrin a day, which is the least amount of anti-inflammatory medication I’ve taken daily in three years. I will regain range strength and fully recover in time.

-2016 marks the year of my brother’s death. He died one year and 1 week after my father died. Our immediate family went from all five of us down to just 3 at the anniversary of my father’s passing. Watching my mother loose her oldest son was heartbreaking. In hindsight my brother was ill for many years. His struggle with alcoholism, pancreatic disease, liver failure and diabetes had left his 62 year old body destroyed and mangled. He was suffering as were his loved ones caring for him. His demise was early yet it was his time. He touched our lives as we touched his. He lives on through us. His soul is at peace and his body no longer suffers.

-2016 marks my mother’s stroke. She is 84 and still works. My mother is young at heart, full of love and hope. She gives freely and loves unconditionally. Suddenly she can’t work, she’s stuck at home, she is weak and unsteady on her feet. She can hardly use her right hand. In hindsight it was mild. It was a warning that her blood pressure needed to be monitored daily. She was having spikes in her blood pressure and had thrown a few clots leading to several small strokes that will only temporarily limit her. She is in physical therapy. She should fully recover in time and be able to drive again and possibly work again which is her goal.

-2016 marks the worst year of my business and income since about the year 2000. My business faltered even though the real estate market is booming around me. Where- o -where had I gone wrong? Where were my referrals and clients? In hindsight I look at what I wrote above. My energies had other priorities to be directed toward. Life freakin’ happens and I met the terms life gave me. I lived. I grew. I laughed, cried, loved, traveled, gave, comforted, recovered, shared, healed. I stressed. I accomplished. I slept. I did all of it sober. I freakin’ stayed sober.

Life, it has struggles. Life, it has blessings. Life, it is a miracle. Life, it is meant to live.

Happy New Year, may the next year bring all of us challenges, growth, love, and life…yes lots of life!

Even God gets termites

First Presbyterian Church Downtown San Diego

First Presbyterian Church Downtown San Diego

So I am driving to physical therapy today, six months after surgery still at it, and I cracked up seeing this huge old church completely tented for termite extermination. What a sight. I couldn’t help myself and stoped to snap a photo. Passers by probably thought I was a tourist.

I particularly liked that they had tied the tents around the concrete crosses on the tops of the gables. Wouldn’t want to cover those up and leave anyone wondering what the building was underneath now would we.

Humor aside, a church under a termite tent reminds me that nothing in this world is exempt from the cycle that is our universe. All things come into being, go through being and go out of being. There is and always will be birth, growth, service and decline. It reminds me not to fight the cycle but to go with the flow and make the most out of each and every stage. We might be able to slow down the cycle through proper care, but the inevitable will one day come.

That tent reminds me to live the life I have been given. It reminds me of my blessings no matter what stage I am experiencing in the cycle that is my life.

I wonder if termites go to heaven?


Believe in magic? Yup, sure do.

Driving in traffic for a few last minute items on December 24, I became so overwhelmed at the beauty of it all that Fearsome had to come to my rescue by absorbing the tears of joy that were blurring my vision.

Life is magic.

The movement, interactions, energy, chaos, order and existence of it all.

I find that if I get out of myself, or simply get out of selfishness, I can just be in the moment. Being in the moment I can appreciate, enjoy, observe, discover, share, give, contribute and experience.

Life is diverse. Life is wonderment. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and it can be, even in holiday traffic.

Life is magic.

What makes it all work? How did we get here? What’s going to happen? What is the purpose? These questions can perplex us, stress us and confuse us. Or, if these questions pop into my head, I can choose to wonder about them with amazement, excitement and anticipation of the wonderful miracles that lie ahead.

Yeah there has been shit in my life. There has been some shit in all of our lives. However in my life there has been, continues to be and will be a lot more good than bad. In fact sometimes what seems to be bad in the moment turns out to be fabulous in the end.

Just walk through it, walk through all of it and look for good. When I do that, I find good and sometimes I find great. I just have to keep walking through it and avoid the temptation to avoid.

Life, it truly is magic.

Greetings from Fearsome

As is yet another holiday tradition for this sentimental Beard, we send you greetings From Ocean Beach CA right here in San Diego.

This years Beach Christmas tree seems to bend in awe of Fearsome Himself. 😉

This years Beach Christmas tree seems to bend in awe of Fearsome Himself. 😉

May your Christmas Eve be joyous and peaceful!