Unstable Stability

The Unknown. What is going through that mind? What is going on inside that body? He responds unresonsibly. The body is failing yet the breath keeps inhaling and exhaling. Empty eyes open and close yet do they focus? Is that a smile?

This is going to last awhile, or at least it seems to me.

My middle brother returns here from his Italy holiday Saturday evening. I just booked a flight out Monday afternoon. While he will not last much longer on this earth, I believe he will still be with us Monday and if so I’ll say my last goodbye just before I board a United flight out of here. I have missed two weeks of therapy and have to get to a postponed appointment for surgery follow up.

Am I cold for not sitting the death watch until it concluded?

He isn’t having a service. He’s being cremated to sit on a shelf with the ashes of his cats that have left the planet before him. This is very much him. He has been a recluse for years that has all of his neighbors scared of him. I already have a trip scheduled to visit here October 19. Mom says she is ok with this.

He is unstable yet stable on this level of instability.

We are here, he knows that. We must also find our stability and live our lives to.

A year ago today THIS happened. I don’t mean to be morbid or some Debbie Downer. I’m just sorting feelings. In all of this there is love, strength, growth and peace. It’s a journey. A journey of family and of love.

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6 thoughts on “Unstable Stability

  1. “We are here, he knows that.” – and that is all that can be said. you and he have made your peace, your mom is down with your plans, you will get to see middle bro before you return to your husband and puppies. the circle of life continues. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

  2. I don’t think it is a ‘cold’ thing. It’s a tough call either way, and there is no right answer, so there is no wrong one either. If you cannot do anything for him, but you have to do things for yourself – it’s fine to do so.

  3. You don’t need to be there. Given his state, I doubt he will know who is there and who isn’t. I was in the room when my mom died but I was texting a friend. I didn’t realize she passed. I was just thankful she was no longer suffering. I never felt guilty about not being at the bedside holding her hand. People live and people die.

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