He was someone I looked up to

April 6,1954 was the day my mother gave birth to her first child. Born in Las Vegas Nevada the son of an Air Force Lieutenant, he was named David after our dad.

I am in Ft. Lauderdale. I have been very busy with renovations on a property here. I was supposed to fly home today. I have yet to leave. Travelous interupptus.

No not an airline mishap nor a renovation glitch. Family matters.

David has been sick for many years and is now in end stage liver disease. David is the oldest of us three boys. I am the youngest. David is only 62.

I got the call from my sister-in-law this morning before I was to head to the airport to fly home. David isn’t expected to live past the weekend. Internal bleeding.

Early in the morning I will now be flying to Newark, then Dulles and finally in the mid afternoon I arrive in my hometown to be with my mother.

I had to call her today with the news. It isn’t easy telling your 84 year old mother that it looks like her son will die this week. This week marks one year since her husband of 62 years left us.

My middle brother is in Italy on holiday. He’s due home the end of this week. Mom needs one of us now. I’m closer and don’t have to clear customs.

I’m tired. I’ve been on the phone all day. I’ve cried. I walked on the beach. I had a good dinner alone overlooking the ocean. I’ve planned and changed plans. I’ve gotten confused. I’ve consoled. I’ve communicated.

I write.

Writing helps.

He’s my big brother. We aren’t real close. As a boy I wanted to be like him in many ways. He was popular, athletic and handsome. Alcoholism took all of that away from him.

I now live as a sober younger brother. I am confused, frightened, angry, empathetic, and powerless. I’m grateful that I found a way out. I’m bitter that many who succumb to addictions don’t make it out. I understand the ones who don’t find a way out, as I was once there. I am one of the lucky ones.

Fearsome on Ft. Lauderdale Beach

Fearsome on Ft. Lauderdale Beach

11 thoughts on “He was someone I looked up to

  1. 😦
    david is 4/6/54, I am 9/6/54…not too much in age difference. the choices we made…and has it really been one year since your dad passed?

    {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you, fearsome; draw on your inner strength and courage. know you are loved.

  2. Comforts to you and your mother, F/b. I do hope you can all get through coming days without too much sadness, upset and trauma, though I know that is a big ask. Thinking of you.

  3. So sorry for what you’re going through, but glad that you can, and will, be there for your mother. That’s a good thing.
    I have gone through this with the loss of my sister, and saw how her passing affected my father. Parents never expect to outlive their children.
    You do what you can and then let the rest just be …

  4. Sending heartfelt prayers that God will flood you and yours hearts with cherished memories that give you comfort and strength in the difficult days ahead.

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