Earlier today we swore. We swore using several F-bombs due to pain.
We went to physical therapy and were referred to our surgeon probably because I was sweating and crying tears as the shoulder was getting checked out. Fearsome did his duty and just absorbed the tears into beard oblivion.
The shoulder and bicep are ok. The bicep is still attached to it’s screw and didn’t separate as was feared. Dr. Surgeon felt it best I step down the intensity of PT (trying to be the perfect patient I apparently overdid it a bit) and re-start on pain meds. As he put it “take these and get some sleep”.
I filled the scrip. I came home. I had lunch and took a pill. Now instead of in fucking pain, I am fucked up. Seriously fucked up. Pain is better but I’m dizzy, giggling and half in the bag. I remember feeling this way on the way home from the surgery itself.
Since getting sober almost five years ago this surgery and associated meds are the first time my consciousness has been altered in all this time. I can say that I do not like this altered state and am grateful I not longer live in it.
Why do I write this? FearsomeBeard is our journal. It’s a place for our fun, feelings, opinions, likes, dislikes, love, humor, sadness, anger, attractions, affections, inspiration, motivation and self realness. This post is self realness. A post to remind me if ever tempted to break my sobriety purposefully, that I don’t like this inebriation. A post to reinforce my sober life. A life lived in full unaltered experience.
God knows I had 35 years of altered experience. I did enough of anything and everything I wanted and more. It was fun, it was bad. It is part of what made me who I am today. I have no regrets. I have many beautiful days of sober clarity ahead.