Why do I blog?

This is a question I’m contemplating today.

I started to blog as a way to make me stop, think, reflect and to write. I had never kept a journal. I have not ever recorded my thoughts. I’m at a state in my life where I want to grow. Grow myself from the inside. I found I had nothing but sketchy memories to look back on where I had been, what I had done and how I perceived the experiences.

I’ve been regularly reading several blogs for years. I love reading the thoughts, emotions, feelings and perceptions of the blogs I had frequented. I suddenly realized that I could go back sometimes years on those blogs and reflect to a time or place, then return to the present to see the changes and growth of my blog friends. I decided I wanted that.

So I e-mailed a certain Spo and asked about it. He enthusiastically gave me some direction. Since that little beginning I have grown. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I still don’t Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or any of the others, but I blog. I’ve gotten to know others better. I’ve learned about respect and how to better react. I’ve expanded my blog reading. I gain insight sometimes daily, other times slowly. I laugh. I cry. Others now know a bit about me. I hope it has helped them as much as it has helped me.

I see this as a platform for me to reach deeper into me and pull out more. I hope it to be a place where, through sharing, I can impact others for the better. Whether that impact is as simple as a smile, to as meaningful as a life changing shift in attitude or understanding. I also want it to be entertaining, fun and thoughtful.

I’m glad I started this journey. I’m grateful you are sharing it with me. That’s why I blog.

364 days

One more day.

So no celebrations yet. It’s like waiting for Santa. One day to go.

No opening presents. No surprises. It’s too early. We must wait. Just one more day.

Anticipation. Excitement. Adrenaline.

Patience. Restraint. Composure. Maturity.

Don’t jump the gun. Don’t cheat.

It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony.

The tooth fairy will not come until you sleep.

A cake is not done until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

One more day.

What can we do with it?

One day to go.

We can make the best of it.

Smile. Love. Laugh. Learn. Share. Grow. Help. Listen. Reflect. Hope. Give.

Just one more day.

It’s gonna be a great day!



Beautiful night

It’s a typical early summer evening in San Diego. A good night for baseball. About 65 degrees F with a cool breeze off of the salty bay. The air smells of rich barbecue, sweet cotton candy and crisp freshly mowed grass. Music, laughter, applause, conversations and cheers of “Swing Batter Batter” echo through the stands. My nose and finger tips tingle with the cool breeze, my body warm with the soft Padres sweatshirt. There is a dramatic changing light as the sun sets behind left field. It fills the senses full to content.


Sunset over Fearsomebeard

Sunset over Fearsomebeard

I’m at home here in Petco Park. A place I never dreamt I’d love. Stats I never thought I’d understand. A sport that was once foreign to me. What did attending my first ever baseball game back in 1997 teach me? Never doubt something until you’ve tried it.

May you're night be a wonderful one.

May you’re night be a wonderful one.

Fearsomely Proud “D”-Lister

I loved Kathy Griffin’s Life on the D-List. I consider myself a D-List kinda guy.

What do I mean by D-List? By D-List I mean that I’m not on the radar. I’m not an A-Lister. I’m not expected to wear the right clothes, drive the right car, be seen at the right parties, eat at the right restaurants, look the right way, vacation in the right spots and know the right people. I’m not expected to drop the right names, do the right drugs, live in the right place and only talk to the right people. I don’t need to, or appear to, have the right amount of money, the right job, the right trust fund or the right sugar daddy. These are all A-List necessities.

Why not the B-List? Well B-Listers are really just A-List wanna be people. The ones who spend all their energy wanting to be noticed by the A-List. Or they can be just pretty props for the A-List. Nope that’s not me either. I flirted with being a B-Lister back in my youth. Star struck you might say I was. I was insecure and unaware. I had yet to learn that most shiny objects are really just gold plated and not real. I had to go through a phase to learn. Learn what was real and who really had character.

The C-List? This group could be a worthy classification to be in, I am not one of them though. I consider the C-List good people. Those that worked to get what they have. Those who are secure in who they are. They don’t drop names or wear the right thing just to be noticed for wearing it. They are a necessity for the A-List to know and include on certain occasions because of who they are or what they have achieved. They are the dropped names or photo ops that are impressive to have, yet are not actually running in the A-List circle.

So then there is the rest of us. I’m one of those. We work hard and have a good life. We are secure and happy just the way we are. We may have a net worth anywhere from $1,000.00 to a billion. Who cares.  For me I don’t care to work so hard as to impress people I don’t know. I don’t wish to be the one who drops names or wears the latest fashion. I love vacationing but to experience the culture, not to be seen there or be able to talk about it. Truth be known, most times I’d rather be on my couch reading a good book surrounded by my six dogs and my better half.

Life on the D-List. In my book it’s really the best list.  Shhhhh! Don’t tell the A-Listers.


I choose the second way



I posted the above this morning reminding myself that I do prefer to live my life seeing the miracle it is. Shortly after posting I take the dogs outside into the yard and in a forgotten pot my little forgotten cactus is blooming. The bloom lasts for about 8 hours and is bigger than the plant itself. It blooms but once a year.

May the miracle that is your life be as beautiful as mine is today.

Patsy and cactus flower

Patsy and cactus flower


Pause, remember and be grateful

Sunset over the Pacific as seen from Ft. Rose tans National Cemetary in San Diego CA

Sunset over the Pacific as seen from Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetary in San Diego CA

San Diego is a military town. I remember when I moved here my surprise at how uniformed military were an integral part of driving, shopping, eating, working and interacting throughout every single day here. I quickly learned just how strong the presence is here. Major military bases are everywhere. I quickly came to respect a way of life I had not been exposed to previously.

Tomorrow we honor those who have served. Men and women that gave. Those who gave service to the ideals of better. Those who worked to make things safer, give support and freedom. Who tried to lift the oppressed and downtrodden. People who sacrificed their own comforts, freedom, and lives. They gave for others, they gave for us.

I don’t claim that all military operations are just. Yet there is an ideal that we move toward through military. An ideal that doesn’t have a clear path. It’s a path that sometimes goes right and sometimes utterly wrong. Would I prefer a world where the need for military wasn’t there? Hell yes I would. That is unfortunately not YET the reality of the world we live in. Maybe one day the need will leave us, until then I can hope. In the mean time I can thank a service man or woman for their service. Then I can pause, remember and be grateful for those who gave it all so that I may safely drive my car to my work that I may pay my bills and sleep in my own bed, in my own house, in my safe neighborhood.


Same Love

Love, an emotion that is Part of our human experience.

Attraction, a tendency that is inate in us.

Equality, an ideal that is a quality that most believe in and strive for.

Respect, a quality of charachter.

Ireland made history yesterday. The Irish public, a mostly Catholic nation, voted overwhelmingly to write Marriage Equality into their constitution. Of eligible Irish voters 60.52% turned out to vote in the referendum. Of those going to the polls yesterday, 1,201,607 voted Yes for writing Marriage Equality into the constitution and 734,300 voted against the referendum. All political parties endorsed voting Yes.

A majority of the Irish understand the value of respect. They understand validation. They respect Love. They honor relationships.

I am moved. I am validated. I am respected. I am accepted. I am equal. I tip my top hat in honor of a nation that has evolved, a nation that has grown, a nation that is human.

I’ve known that I was attracted to my own sex since I was a very young boy, as long as I can even remember. I was taught to hide it, be ashamed of it and deny myself actually being myself. I and millions of others. Fortunately I was not one to follow the crowd or the message I was being given. I came out to my family and at school when I was but sixteen.

My world opened up. My family accepted me, my real friends in my high school stuck by me. I never even dreamed that one day, one day I would be respected enough by society at large to have my love accepted. My soul, my being, my love, my attraction, my expression, my self to the deepest core of me accepted and respected as equal. I thought I would always be lesser. I’m not.

Our Supreme Court of The United States will soon be handing down a decision. We hope the decision is just and respectful. We hope it will confirm the majority of states that have Marriage Equality and give Marriage Equality nationwide. Our national polls now show a majority of Americans support Marriage Equality. But witnessing a nation, a Christian Catholic nation, giving equality through a non-disputable majority vote… That moves me deeply.

We have a long way to go on many fronts as a human race inhabiting one world, to bring equality to each and every one of us on every necessary level. Yesterday Ireland took us a step in the right direction. I thank them. I honor them. I am humbled by them.

I have an Irish heritage. I have an Irish first and last name. I’ve always considered myself an American of Irish decent. I’m proud to call myself that today.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis are Fearsome. I encourage you to enjoy their message and music. Love is just that, Love.

A meditation

Good news, the Endodontist did not have pogonophobia. All went well and I’m scheduled to go Tuesday morning to have the newly root canal-ed tooth prepped for yet another new crown. I guess it’s just life on the other side of the first 100 years. I had better take it in stride.

You're gonna put what where?

You’re gonna put what where?

Yesterday was one of those days. A toothache and four homes in escrow, three having “issues”. Clients, agents, escrow officers and lenders all calling, e mailing and texting. Emergencies left and right. The dentist could see me at 11. I’m on the phone in the car on way there and sending an email from the iPad in the parking lot. After a few minutes in the chair I’m told you need a root canal and the endodontist can take you at 2. Run home, have lunch. Negotiate a few more “issues”. Back in car on phone (hands free) and e mailing from the waiting room.

They take me back to my unplanned and unexpected root canal and numb me up and say you have some time if you want to keep working go ahead. Then it struck me… do I really want to start the procedure stressed and tense? Hell F-in no. I should be relaxed for this, it will go much easier. My stress level was 12 and my meter only goes to eleven.

I put the iPad down and realized that there was really great 1970s easy rock playing in the background. I let myself go into memory mode. The music, I knew it so well. The soundtrack to many a summer moment of my childhood and teen years. The music cradled me, soothed me. My breathing slowed as my muscles relaxed into the chair. I closed my eyes and remembered the good.

Then this came on:

Linda Ronstat’s voice is amazing. I lost myself in every syllable. I floated with every note. I allowed this song I hadn’t heard in years to envelope me. It carried me to another place. A place of peace. I became fully present in the now. I could feel every part of me. The rhythms vibrated me. The stress was gone and I was fine.

Linda flowed into Steely Dan. My being floated, my body enjoyed. The next thing I knew the endodontist walked in and asked if I was ready. My reply was yes, I couldn’t be anymore ready. Twenty minutes test later I was done and paying the receptionist. The rest of my day went well. The stress from earlier stayed at bay, without narcotics or pain meds, just a simple meditation right where I was, had worked.

I sometimes forget the power of being fully present, the power of meditation. I forget to stop myself wherever I am and push the reset button. I’m glad I realized that yesterday and hope I can remember to do this more often.