“What actually is the function of worry?”

That quote comes from the 2014 season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. It’s quite profound.

Adore Delano asks Courtney Act “What do you worry most about this competition?” To which Courtney replies “What actually is the function of worry?”

Ok… so first Fearsome has a couple of indulgences other than Major League Baseball, Comic-Con and Led Zeppelin. One of those other indulgences is he watches Ru Paul’s Drag Race. He got hooked the year Chad Michaels of San Diego was a contestant. Besides what could be equally an example of comfort with your own masculinity than having a beard? Wearing a dress? Well the point of this post is not to debate that, but to contemplate Courtney’s statement.

“What actually is the function of worry?”

It doesn’t accomplish anything actually. It takes time and energy. It causes stress. One can become obsessed with it. It doesn’t change an outcome. It can ruin your mood and your day.

Sure we all have negative thoughts that can lead to worry, but why worry? Why not let that negative thought pass and focus on a good outcome? Take a step in the direction of where you want to go? Get in the game of life and work to create something wonderful?

Fearsome believes it’s what we choose to focus on. How we each decide to look at it. We have the ability to choose, so why choose worry?

 

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Own it.

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I realized earlier today that I was obsessing about something from my past. It kinda drained the energy out of my day. I just wasn’t getting things done that I wanted to. I felt off, not good at the game. I didn’t purposefully choose to, I just let my mind drift into thinking about it. I started to replay different scenarios in my mind. I was letting my ego run with it. My ego was trying to place blame, it was feeling victimized. The ego will do this when left unchecked in order to build itself.

I finally snapped out of it when I heard a comment from another person that was on another subject (this was playing only in my mind I had not brought it up). This person was talking about himself when he said “I must own it”.

Light bulb! His comment opened my eyes to the present. It brought me back from the non-reality of my ego dwelling on the past.

I must own it. It happened. My evening has been so much better than my day. I’ll sleep good tonight.

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Clearheaded

From Google

As some of you know, I am sober. Sober by my own choice because I got to a point where I could no longer have a drink without losing control. I don’t hide the fact that I’m sober. I don’t push sobriety on other people either. I’m always available if someone has an issue and reaches out desiring help.

Today I am contemplating the meaning of sobriety. It can mean abstinence from alcohol or substances, but it means more to me than that. I put it like this, one can be free of intoxicating  substances but also a freakin’ mess. I look at the definition above and the synonyms of sobriety that resonate with my understanding of it are: clearheadedness, dignity, levelheadedness, common sense and practicality. I find these terms to be desirable traits. Qualities that I label as good charachter.

Many people can drink or use other substances in responsible manners and maintain a good quality charachter. Other people, including myself, cannot. My choice to live substance free is my choice which leads me to a life of levelheadeness, dignity and practicality. This is what I deem as sobriety, a good enjoyable life. A path of life leading me toward a person of good character that I wish to be.

I have met a few along the way that are clean of substances, but aren’t really what I would call sober either. Face it some people can be a mess without chemicals, which brings me back to values and focus. We get what we focus on. We become what we focus on. If we are into drama, we get drama. If we see the bad in everything, we get more bad. If we search for beauty, we find beauty.

If we desire a contented, clearheaded, fulfilling life and are willing to work toward having it, we will find we are living a contented, clearheaded and fulfilling life. This is what I mean by sobriety, just a plain old good life. It does take focus and work, but I find it less work and much more enjoyable than the life I used to live.

Cheers to a good & fulfilling life! Yes I am raising a glass, so what if mine is sparking apple cider…

A Fearsome good morning

It’s just before dawn and as I sit with my fresh cup of coffee I am appreciating a few of the things I really enjoy.

Right now I enjoy my freshly brewed Folgers coffee. The birds are singing and the cool crisp air drifts in through to open door to the patio. Two of my six pooches sit at my side in slumber. I have a Devils food cake in the oven which is filling the house with a wonderful aroma. Soon I will be enjoying my breakfast of a spinach/blueberry/banana/pineapple smoothie with a side of yogurt/blueberries/Cheerios. After that a nice hot shower filled with the peppermint aroma of my beard shampoo and conditioners. It’s going to be a great day.

The better half and I will make our weekly Costco run and then I meet a client who is purchasing his first home for his final walk through before closing. He is so excited. I’ll then have lunch with an old friend. Later I will make my way to World Gym for an overdue workout where I will enjoy the breeze off the ocean and Classic rock music surrounded by both body builders and others like me who just wish to maintain good fitness. I’ll squeeze in a twenty minute meditation and a relaxing evening with the better half enjoying a good dinner with a movie to round out the day.

I take this moment of quiet morning solitude to feel gratitude for the wonderful blessings I have in my life. What a gift life is, especially when we pause and appreciate. I find that when I apprecaite the simple things and see the blessings in them, more good things come my way. It works, every time.

Fearsome's shiny red FJ Cruiser for the Costco run.

Fearsome’s shiny red FJ Cruiser for the Costco run.

 

Movin’ On

Growing my soul, as Fearsome grows, I am learning that in order to move on that I must bless what I am leaving behind in order to make peace. To truly move on I must bring myself to a place of peace. A place that truly wishes the best for the person or situation that is now a part of my past and not a part of my present. I must forgive. To truly forgive and find peace, I must give my blessing, understanding and hope for that person, place, thing or situation.

I can start by appreciating what was. Looking to see what I enjoyed, what enriched my experience and what I can learn. Through appreciation I find gratitude. When I find what I am grateful for, I can give my blessing and well wishes. In giving my blessing I can be a peace and move on into the present, not holding onto something that has served me well in its time. Life is in constant motion and cycles. Cycles are meant to keep moving on, not meant to be stagnant and stuck.

While driving the rental car in Ft. Lauderdale I heard a tune from my past. I heard it at least 3 times on the classic station that the car radio was tuned. The song is one of my favorite from one of my favorite all time albums, Breakfast in America by Supertramp. I hadn’t heard it in a long time. At first listen the song is obviously about a one night stand. If really contemplated it isn’t. The message could be applied to most any experience that has served it’s useful purpose.

Yes… somehow my mind can take a shallow message and twist it into a meaningful one.

Long time friends

My dear friend Clayton text me an old photo of us yesterday.

Clayton and myself   Puerto Vallarta 2001

Clayton and myself
Puerto Vallarta 2001

Both of us are sporting the left over late 1990s facial hair experiments that have both evolved into the large beards we have today. Fearsome is amused looking back at his humble beginnings. Clayton was last featured here on this blog thingy on St. Patrick’s day with his Leprechaun drag. His beard in that photo is decorated for the holiday festivities.

What stands out to me most in the photo is not the youth and lack of substantial facial hair, it’s the joy on our faces. The joy of our friendship. Our friendship was immediate. The comfort, trust, honesty, playfulness and humor that we shared, all of which continue today. We met in 1997. We had an attraction to each other that could have landed us in trouble, but we managed to channel it into a friendship that we cherish. We have become like brothers of different mothers. We are honestly family.

In life we make many friends, some last and some are passing. This post is dedicated to those who last. Life long care, love, respect and joy. Friendships that have periods where you see or talk daily and then cycle into life and many weeks may go by before you speak. When you come back together it’s the same. You share understanding that life cycles but you both are always there. Friendships where just the sight or sound of each other brings comfort, warmth and a smile.

Starting Fresh

Ain’t new days just wonderful? Getting up just before sunrise, grabbing a fresh hot cup of coffee and watching the sky turn from black to a soft blue then to orange, yellow then bright blue?

Sunrise sky Ft. Lauderdale Beach from a chair poolside at my little resort.

Sunrise sky Ft. Lauderdale Beach from a chair poolside at my little resort.

The quiet, the birds, the crisp clean air along with the quickly changing light ushering in a new beginning. It’s a wonderful fulfillment of senses and when enjoyed becomes a meditation of new possibilities.

I have made a lot of progress on my “project”. Last night I treated myself to a long solitary walk on the beach and a nice little dinner folowed by another long walk beside the dark ocean. I have more to do, but the progress I have made inspires me. The metamorphosis of the little apartment back into the charming place it had been before reminds me of how when one finds themselves in a precarious state of cluttered depression and anxiety, that with determination and plain hard work how one can restore themselves to that which they once were and better.

It’s a new day. What will you do with it?