Life interrupts

So what has happened? Why has the beard been lackluster in his blogging?

LIFE HAPPENS

At 3:45 am Monday morning after an exhausting yet invigoration four days of Comic Con I was awakened with a phone call that my nephew had been injured and was being taken into the emergency room.  So I found myself shortly after that at his bedside and after some needed care he was admitted to the hospital. He is and will be fine. Being his only blood relative here in San Diego I have taken on a few responsibilities and have spent most of my time running between hospital, union halls for benefits and taking care of all the loose ends. He hopefully will be discharged today. 

I have been contemplating lots of thoughts these few days but have yet to have any time to stop and write, so forgive me for that. It’s important to take care of life’s responsibilities and loved ones and it’s important to stop, think and take care of ones self. We also have to balance. So while I’m taking care of business right now, I must remind myself to balance and get back here to take care of me and get my thoughts out on this here iPad. So I am doing that at this moment, reminding myself. More later…..off and running!

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Beard of the day

This bearded straight fighter is weighing in for his fight. He bends over, drops trou and exposes his pink underwear with the words Legalize Gay on his ass. He is Fearsome.

Almost recovered from Comic Con….pics from the last day tomorrow, I promise. In the mean time this is worth the watch…..grin.

 

More Comic Con outdoor activities

Even the dogs are in costume.

Even the dogs are in costume.

People on the street.

People on the street.

It's time to get in line for the Viking Experience.

It’s time to get in line for the Viking Experience.

Fearsome waits in The Vikings make up area.

Fearsome waits in The Vikings make up area.

Fearsome is ready for his promo screen shot.

Fearsome is ready for his promo screen shot.

Fearsome stars in the upcoming season of The Vikings. Check him out on The History channel.

Fearsome stars in the upcoming season of The Vikings. Check him out on The History channel.

After lunch, a shower and costume change, Fearsome has made it through his second time in makeup for the day and is now a Zombie. Fearsome's zombie Pardre is ready to roam Petco park. Goal is to scare and infect the runners of The Walking Dead escape.

After lunch, a shower and costume change, Fearsome has made it through his second time in makeup for the day and is now a Zombie. Fearsome’s zombie Pardre is ready to roam Petco park. Goal is to scare and infect the runners of The Walking Dead escape.

Fearsome with his fellow Zombies, niece Adrianna and nephew in law to be Issac before the event starts.

Fearsome with his fellow Zombies, niece Adrianna and nephew in law to be Issac before the event starts.

Zombie down.

Zombie down.

Today I get to spend the day on the convention floor! These are pics from yesterday’s activities downtown surrounding the event. It’s so much fun.

Comic Con has started!

imageFearsome shows off his badge while standing behind 3 of his nieces and a nephew.

 

I moved here to San Diego in 1991. I was not a comic book fan nor into science fiction. Comic Con took place here each year and I often heard a lot about this and that. ” The freaks are in town” “It’s a nerd invasion” “I saw the weirdest people walking around downtown”…….you get the idea, not complimentary remarks. Each year though it grew. Each year it got more attention. Each year it attracted more stars, movies, shows and people. Each year I went about my work a day life and kind of ignored it.

Comic Con started here in San Diego in 1974 as a small comic book convention. The artists would come and so would the aficionados and collectors. This year it celebrates 40 years and is the worlds largest popular arts convention. It’s so large now that you have to register in the fall to be able to get online in February to try to get a ticket. I’ll stop here to tell you it’s so worth trying to get your ticket.

Over the years I became more intrigued by it. I would see people in restaurants, on the street, in stores, on the trolley and just about anywhere with big huge swag bags or dressed as a superhero. People laughing, being themselves, having a good time. I started to go down near the convention center and watching. Found myself wandering the host hotel and parking myself at a bar to watch. It became a tradition that each year the zombies would take over the streets of the Gaslamp district. I would go and hang out at a bar to watch the madness as thousands of zombies took to the streets. I had become a Comic Con lurker.

Then back in 2009 my niece from Virginia asked if she and her husband could come stay with us as they wanted to go to Comic Con. Since they were coming I thought why not get a ticket to go one day and get in. They got 4 day passes, I bought one day. The next year I bought a four day pass. I have been every year since. Inside I found a world I had never imagined. Yes the crowds are overwhelming at first, but it is a world where everyone has a smile. Everyone is different. Everyone loves each other for their differences. Everyone celebrates the kid in themselves and in each other.

Comic Con is Nirvana.

Comic-Con 2014 Starts today

imageUnfortunately I do not have tickets to get into the actual Comic-Con until Sunday. Fortunately I do have tickets to get into the actual Comic-Con Sunday. The past couple of years I spent so much time inside everyday that I didn’t get to experience everything outside of Comic-Con. Downtown San Diego is taken over by the studios and networks. Streets are closed. Restaurants, stores, coffee shops and galleries morph into scenes from movies or popular tv shows. Parks and parking lots become full blown Hollywood sets. Hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of people descend on our downtown to celebrate all that is POPULAR ARTS. Costumes, parties, shows, displays, lectures,  previews and never ending events related to all of it starts….NOW!

This is a photo of Fearsome with a couple new found friends at Comic-Con 2012.

Beliefs continued

About a week ago I was contemplating about beliefs and how they can limit us. I challenged myself to look back and see where a belief I had limited me, and how letting go of that belief freed me to grow, change and expand.

Then life happens, I get distracted and when I do try to come back to it, the muse I am looking for is somewhere else and away with the fairies (probably having cocktails without me).

Ok so here I am. I think my muse is here.

I was just thinking back to an old belief that when let go freed me. I was 26 and had been in two relationships. The first one started when I was but 18 and a senior in high school. I met the man of my dreams on the dance floor. We were together for 6 years. He was a wonderful man 5 years my senior. He taught me a lot and helped me grow up. I was very immature. Before we broke up I met what I thought was the ultimate man of my dreams. Big burly Tom of Finland blonde man. Yup found the new one before I left the old one. We were together not quite two years and I found myself stuck in a very abusive both emotionally and physically relationship. I was isolated from my friends, felt I had no way out and was frankly scared of this man. I had purchased a home for us, the one he wanted and I was now imprisoned in this home. I believed that I was nothing without this relationship. I believed I needed him. I believed I had to have a relationship, and especially this one to be anything at all. I believed I was afraid to be on my own and was in fear of what he would do if I left. I believed the only person that could relieve my pain, was the very one who was inflicting it. I was the battered spouse although I couldn’t yet see it.

I was lucky. I did something he didn’t like and to punish me he moved out one day when I was away. I came home to the house and not only was he gone, but everything of his was gone. Not one single thing of mine, just each and every thing of his. I to this day do not know how he did it. He left no note, no info, no way to contact him (note this was over 24 years ago, cell phones and e mail did not exist, only landline phones). I was devastated (or so I thought as at that point I could not see the blessing I had just received).

Well as the typical abuser usually is, that was not the end. After a couple of weeks of trying to put myself back together and not having a clue where he was, he reappeared. Ready to hold me, to comfort me. He had his justified excuses of why he had to do what he did and now that I had learned my lesson he was ready to put it back together. Ok now my mind, my emotions and my sanity were frankly fucked (excuse the graphics but no better way to state the obvious). I will be honest here, I wanted his comfort because I still believed that he and only he could relieve the pain and that I was nothing without a relationship, especially this one with this man. The bruises were forgotten, the scabs on my face from his fingernail scratches were forgotten. But thank god somewhere in me a voice had started to make its way, to be heard very deep in me, telling me that I could not trust this man. The seed had been planted.

I could write pages on this but will now get to my point.

I did let him in a little but kept a wedge in there and would not let him move back in. Then the threats started. He started following me. He threaten to harm himself, harm me, or to harm the few friends I had left at this point. After finding myself stalked and hiding in my neighbors bushes watching as he banged on the windows of my house screaming threats, I finally had witnesses and was able to get the restraining orders. The seed was growing.

I found myself alone for the first time since coming out. I believed I needed to be in a relationship, that it was nothing if I was alone. So I went about meeting anyone who would go out and wanted immediate relationships. I was confused. I was actually alone but didn’t realize it because I had one current boyfriend after another. The abuser drifted although he would occasionally surface with some drama.

I planned a vacation to Key West. I would travel with a friend, not a lover. I would have my own room. My beliefs were changing. I was starting to be ok. Ok with me. Ok alone.

The vacation was incredible. I had the time of my life. I was comfortable. I was me, just me. The next to my last night of the week there I stood on the very top deck of Tea Dance at La Te Da alone and happy. I watched the people below dancing and turned away to look out at the quiet island and the ocean from this rooftop. I then and there decided that I was ok alone. I was complete. I didn’t need anyone else to complete me. I felt a warmth come over me. I felt secure. I had let go of an old belief. I smiled.

As fate has it, when you close one door another opens. As I stood there contemplating and feeling assured in my new decision someone tapped me on the shoulder and said hello. I am still with that man today. My better half walked into my life the minute, the very minute I became comfortable in my own life. I didn’t need him to complete me. I completed myself and was therefore open. We did not know at that moment we would still be together 24+ years later. We did not know that we would be equal companions. All we knew at that moment is we were attracted to each other and we had met Mr. Right Now.

He is still my Mr. Right Now, not my Mr. Right. I don’t complete him, he does not complete me. We compliment each other. We are individuals who are legally married. I let go of a limiting belief. I got a life. And it’s a very very good life.

 

COMIC CON 2014

Fearsome is hungry.

imageIt’s that time of year again here in sunny San Diego. It’s Comic Con. All week the city will morph into a paradise for all who see things from many different angles and we all get to be whatever super hero we wish. This pic is from last year when I was a zombie at a The Walking Dead Escape here at Petco Park.

So you let me know, do you want to see pics of my Comic Con Experiences this year?